Is it possible to "start over" ? Ezzy: Once again, he says he wants to try.
There is a part of me that does too.
Mainly because I know that living with a depressive person is very hard. I know I need to improve myself as well. But I do the best I can.
How do I just pick up and start 'trying'.
I haven't even had 3 days to deal with what has happened yet.
I haven't spoken to another living soul about it (save posting online). I don't know what to think, say or do.
All I am sure of is that I feel like shit, and I'm just about past the point of caring anymore.
About life, myself, my marriage, my pets... anything.
And how am I ever supposed to feel secure again? I mean right now I'm at work and he's home and his little playmate lives UPSTAIRS!!!
He says he will have no more contact with her.
How believable is that?
He posted on his own chat board to his friends about what is happening and even in the middle of saying how bad he feels about it, he's telling them how 'cute' this chick is.
WTF?????
How is that helping exactly?
I'm at work and I am finding it really hard to concentrate.
I wish I had someone to talk to NOW.
I do see a therapist, but the appointment is tomorrow.
I can't even really work myself into getting that upset because I just don't have the energy.
I think "I need to talk to..." and then I stop because I don't want anyone to know. I feel like I need to cry and scream, but I just can't do it. I don't want to fall apart. I don't want to deal with this at all. I wish I could just curl up and die.
What difference would it make? Put anyone into this life and no one would even notice the change.
god I feel like crap.
What is 'trying' ? what will it get me really? Just one more long wait until he decides he's not happy again????
What the hell am I going to do.
Re:Is it possible to "start over" ? Bob-Bob: Hey Ezzy,
I really know alot of those feelings you are dealing with... and I am sorry you have to, sorry that anyone ever has or had to.
Firstly... The feelings you have toward getting back together... I noticed you go to a therapist? I am sure she/he makes you journal... try writing down the goods and bads of a possible reconciliation... it might help to clarify your thoughts some... ... My own mind wandered and twisted in every direction... and writing seemed to slow it down make me focus.
Infidelity... UGH Adultery... UGH whatever you want to call it Hurts... and it hurts more than the person that commited the act realizes usually... and without them truly understanding the depth of the pain they have caused How can they truly be sorry... just a thought though... I have personally known people that dealt with it in thier marriage and went forward.... so, it is possible... just very rare.
I am really glad your in therapy... Therapy rocks...
but I know that for myself I dealt with lack of concentration... lack of sleep, and food... (lost 45lbs)
I constantly tried blaming myself or her or both of us... but that got me nowhere... and finally what helped the absolute most... I talked about it... I repeated myself... and talked and talked until I was almost tired of hearing myself talk about it... and then... I talked about it more... If you don't want to tell friends or family yet... well post it here... we have all been through alot of what you feel....
and yet another unfortunate... "Welcome to OJAR"
-Bob
