Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! Brian75034: Ryan,
Glad to see you are strong enough to "confess" on this board considering most on here are the ones cheated on.
The most important "lesson" you can learn about it all is WHY did you cheat? What were the tiny steps on the slippery slope that eventually led you to cheating?
Cheating is an end result of something that is missing from the marriage. Unfortunetly, it is the end results and the line that is crossed that makes recovery almost impossible.
So, make a vow to yourself to learn from your mistakes, understand how it got that way and to change your ways down the road.
Hang in there!
B
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! brynne: Ryan,
Wow ! You may be the first cheater to post ever, at least since I've been here (since Aug 03). I'm glad you have the courage to own up to your actions & admit what you did was wrong. I only wish my X had done that, it would easy my pain tremdously. I hope you have told your X wife this, although I'm sure it won't change anything, I'm sure it would mean something to her.
I am curious what is in the mind of a cheater, esp. one w/ no regrets (aka my X-husband). I honestly think it was mostly sex, but he plotted & planned when to see her, so maybe it was the thrill of sneaking behind my back & lying.
Lying was the bigges source of hurt for me, knowing that it had gone on for 6 months...& reliving all those times he was "playing golf" or meeting a friend for dinner, how could I believe anything in our past ? And how do I know there were not others b/f her & b/f I found out ??
So many question...what prompted you to "come clean"...guilt ? did you get caught ? I'm not attacking you, I just honestly wonder ?
Hope
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! Ryan_Clone: Hope,
The reason I came clean was a number of things. 1.) I had too much guilt. 2.) I was going to get caught 3.) It just wasnt the grown-up thing to do.
I came to this board for a couple things, mostly to be able to talk with people whom understand, and to give advice so people don't make the same mistakes I did or people who have had this happen to them, can maybe get some closure from talking with me about it.
The reason I cheated is simple, it is very stupid but very simple. I liked the excitement. I liked the way it felt to be wanted, and to want someone. I liked the risk it had associated with it. It was taboo, it was something I shouldn't do, but I could. I look back at the reason's I did it now, and I think to myself...were those reasons good enough to go through the pain I've caused, and the pain I've gone through. Were those reasons enough for me to lose my ex wife, and stick a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger for? (the shell didnt go off, it was a dud)
I've been to the darkside, and I now know what it is like to be alive when you shouldn't be. Life is too short to lie to the ones you love, and the ones who love you. If you ever think you will cheat then don't get married. If you are married, and you feel the need to cheat...you need to do one of two things.
1.) DO NOT DO IT
2.)TELL YOUR SPOUSE, IF YOU EVEN THINK OF CHEATING THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG, EITHER WITH YOU OR YOUR RELATIONSHIP. FIX IT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Ryan
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! brynne: Ryan,
You have gained some great very impt lesson from your experience. I commend you for joining this site. I think you'll see how those of us who've been cheated on are still dealing w/ the terrilbe aftermath & full of anger, hurt & pain that our cheating X's caused from their actions. I know my self-esteem was & still is pretty low. I honestly think cheating is the worst thing you can do in a marriage (besides physical abuse). But verbal abuse & emotional scarring are the direct results of cheating (at least for me).
I think the reasons you gave are probably true for my X as well. Except I know we were not happily married & so his solution was to find someone else & hide it from me. The sad thing is, I'm the one that divorced him b/c he was going to keep playing the charade for who knows how long ?! But I've a very strong person for that & know I will NEVER put up w/ a cheater.
You really sound like you've learned from your mistakes. It's great that you recongnize that, I'm sorry you have ruined your marriage based on your actions.
I actually checked your profile, thinking maybe you could be my X & his guilty conscious has finally caught up !!
Welcome to ojar, I think your point of view will help us in our recovery.
Hope
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! barelybreathing: Ryan-
Thank you for sharing your story. Welcome to Ojar.
It appears that you are walking through the fire and not around it. That is admirable. It's not so much the mistake but how you correct it that matters "most".
I was cheated on. It was and still is the worse pain I have ever experienced. I have watched adultery destroy everything around me and so many relationships, not just that of my s2bx and myself. The biggest hurt of all, is watching my s2bx fail to correct his mistake. (He is in the self-loathing, run away from it all mode.)
Keep learning and keep growing.
BB
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