The Calm before the Storm LoveFool: Just wanted to get some other peoples opinions and experiences on going through this crazy time.
Here is my story in a couple paragraphs. Married 3 years (together 3 years before that) and no kids. My wife tells me this past November she needs time to think and wants to be seperated from me. 2 weeks later she comes to the realization that she no longer loves me and wants to get a divorce. She stringed me along for awhile, telling me that this was about her and not me, and that she just needed time to be on her own. In February she tries to reconcile with me, telling me that she does love me now and that she was just really confused. That attempted reconciliation lasted for about a month until I catch her coming home from some other mans home and she finally admits to having sex w/ someone else during this seperation.
During our marriage everyone who knew us, including me, thought we were perfect for each other. No adultry, addiction, or abuse what so ever. We actually rarely even argued, we got along great!
The problem is, I think I have been handling this whole life changing event extremely well! I have a therapist, I reach out to my wonderful friends and family, I've started doing things that really make me happy...ect... But, I sometimes feel like I am doing too well (dont get me wrong, I have done my share of suffering and crying my eyes out). How is it that after only 6 months of losing my supposed love of my life, I am not still a total wreck! I sometimes feel like I'm going to wake up one morning and be in complete dispare..... :-\
My question is this: Does it have to get worse before it gets better?
Thanks,
LF
Re:The Calm before the Storm newandconfused: welcome to ojar --
all i could think when i read your post was, "don't question it! go with it!" there are going to be some tough times ahead (more than likely, anyway) so enjoy this time that you feel good about yourself. and stay healthy and strong--the way you seem to be feeling now.
best of luck!
Re:The Calm before the Storm picadilly: LF, enjoy that feeling my friend, enjoy.
I'm in a similar position that you are, married 3 years, almost 6 months after the seperation & feeling pretty decent right now. I do expect that sometime later, I'm gonna maybe break down again. I know that if I ever hear that the stbx meets someone new or if I see her with another man on the street somewhere, I'll be a wreck.
I think having no contact with her in my case, has made me feel better about myself, if I had to deal with her all the time, I think I would be hurting alot more. That said, it also is bad in that like I said, if I see or talk to her, it would hurt more then if we always kept contact.
So, like me, I say enjoy this repreive, it may not last forever but there is no sense in complaining about it. It could get worse soon or it may not but atleast you had this time to think calmly & rationally.
Enjoy your "me" time.
Be well.
Re:The Calm before the Storm LoveFool: Thanks for the responses.
Pic - I too have made a conscious effort to disengage emotionally from her. It helps tremendously, but we still do have to communicate becuase we own a home together which was recently sold (way above the asking price)..
When the home sold she was very excited and immediately called me to tell me all the details, she spoke to me as if we were friends (as if nothing ever happened btw us). I on the other hand wasnt as excited, I think the symbolism of what that house represented too me really got to me. The reality of my situation and the finality of it all really got to me last night. Conceptually I know what the next steps in divorce are, but until they actually happend you just never know how you are going to react.....
[quote"> I know that if I ever hear that the stbx meets someone new or if I see her with another man on the street somewhere, I'll be a wreck. [/quote">
I still feel the same way as you do! I dont know how I would react to that situation, I just know it would be awfull. That is why after this divorce is final, I hope that I never speak, see, or hear of her ever again......
Re:The Calm before the Storm julietl66: Boy am I jealous! I've been separated for 6 months and am no where near as far along as you are. Enjoy it! I can see where I have made some improvements, and am not as down as I was in the beginning. But, it's still hard. Like you, I am lucky to have a great therapist who is a tremendous help. However, I also dread the day when I will run into the s2bx with someone else. My stomach drops just thinking about it.
We also have assets to sell, but haven't gotten that far yet. I can't see how I'm going to manage having to interact with him during that process. I have tried avoiding communication with him as much as possible. I just find that I'm in a better place when I'm as far away from him as possible.
Julie
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