Let me see if I got this straight... Tarheel: Hey J------,
By my calendar, it's been five months, five days, and as I write this, about 13 hours since you stepped on that airplane and flew back home. Home, being Pennsylvania, where you could step far away from all the emotions that resulted from this entire situation. Home to an environment that, while it may not condone your actions, will embrace you for being, if nothing else, family. Home, so you could get your head on straight, settle yourself down, and mature to the point that you will no longer be a detriment to your daughter's childhood, but an asset.
You got your job back at K-Mart, which I think is fantastic. You LOVED that job before and were VERY good at it. Re-securing that position was a very good first step. And we were finally able to get Savannah to start talking on the phone with you after about six weeks. Things were going okay, i would say. At least as good as they were gonna go, all things considered.
But then you started seeing somebody. And for the second time in less than 18 months, it is taking a toll on your relationship with your daughter. Last time, you tore her family apart. This time, you are assuring her that her family will never be together - as in, locally - again.
You don't admit it, but you're living with the guy. I know you too well, and there's also that tiny little detail that if you were living with your mom, you'd be THERE at 10:00pm every night when you call me, and she'd wanna talk to her granddaughter, too. I've never seen another 27 year old as dependent on somebody else as you.
But dependency stems from a bigger problem you have: irresponsibility. I could drag up all the skeletons here, but those are irrelevant. This is a simple matter of being able to reasonably prioritize your wants and needs. You told me, before you walked onto that plane, that the plan was to save money, screw your head back on correctly, and eventually move back down here to be a consistent part of your daughter's life.
Now I know those things do not happen overnight, but your behavior regarding working out some visitation for you tells me that you are already back to your old, immature, undisciplined ways. You tell me first that my idea of February 25-March 4 is a good one, only to go back on that... asking to back it up a week because you need to save money. Um, last time I checked, if you were REALLY trying to save money - which is a necessity for your mother/daughter relationship, given the circumstances - working full-time and living rent-free with your mom would CERTAINLY allow for that.
And in general, you still don't get it. You claimed you had to work that weekend, and that's also why you needed to back it up. You were married to me for nearly 3 years, you should know by now that I work EVERY weekend. So that argument don't exactly fly with me. And whining about having to drive all the way here one time, rather than halfway twice, isn't gonna go over well, either. Unlike you, I have responsibilities at home, and I ain't about to blow TWO weekends transporting our daughter back and forth just so she can see her mother who ripped her family apart in the first place! Sacrificing one weekend's bad enough.
And to top it all off... the phone calls are diminishing. I knew this would happen. You don't call every night anymore - it's every OTHER night. But I can't say that I blame you. I'd trade my daughter for a volunteer firefighter ANY day of the week...
...just like you traded her for a dishwasher.
J------, you better start growing up, because your daughter sure is.
Sincerely,
Mike
Re: Let me see if I got this straight... yella: Awwww!!! Sweetie!!!
You know, over the past week, you've been one of the best friends anyone could ask for, and I'm so sorry that I couldn't be there for you half as much with all of the crap going on in my life, but I want you to know that I'm thinking about you, and now that I'm feeling stronger, I can be there for you.
So, you call me when you need to vent. I'm here now! :-*
People keep telling me that things will get better, and little by little they are, and the same will be for you.
Just remember one thing, I know how you feel right now. My boys' father never calls them, not even on Christmas, and that just means that I have to love them twice as much, which is ok with me, but I di understand what it's like having an absent parent in our kids' lives. I live with it everyday.
Just keep loving that beautiful little girl, and just like my babies, she'll be ok.
Re: Let me see if I got this straight... Lome: Hey Tarheel, You know that you are one of the good guys and that this really is unfair....
Yesterday, my husband told he was so glad we never had kids.....they are a "complication" to a happy life....
On my birthday, when he was just "gone" again.....one of my students brought me flowers....this 7th grader said he asked his momma what "old women" liked and she "did not know" ::) so he spent the week thinking very hard on...he decided a few things...a) I have no taste in music, b) I already smell good, c) Starbucks just costs too much.... (my pupils exact words)
He spent his allowance on me. He said that sometimes I just look sad...and he wanted me to be happy. It was sweet .
You see, children really do see what is going on....even if they do not know exactly what is happening....in time, your daughter will better understand her mother...right now...you must just love her that much more strongly...more actively....
She will know which parent loves her the most ....help her to feel secure.....
