He says I am a cold person!?!?! somechick: :( I am about ready to lose it...we've been separated for 7 months, we separated after I found out he had a g/f for a least 2 years, he was fired for his job and was recently found guilty of stealing from his employer who he worked for almost 20 years. He refuses to leave the house and has attempted to hide assets in his financial statemet to my laywer. etc. etc.
My grandfather passed away yesterday :'( I left the stbxh a note saying I appreciated his condolences, but under the circumstances my family and I feel it best if he not attend the services, and simply signed, Thanks.
I get text note from him today saying he's sorry to hear about my grandpa, but is more sorry that me and my family can't put differences aside, then continued by saying, I was a very cold person.
I really don't need this crap from him now especially. Am I cold? Is my family cold?? He's attending would only make the entire family unconmfortable, he certainly wouldn't be of any comfort to me....I'm just sittiing her numb.
Re: He says I am a cold person!?!?! amess: He is thinking about himself only. It does not sound like you are cold at all, you are just trying to get through all you have to the best way you can. Do not take in what he says or thinks about you, I don't know your story, but you have every right to mourn in the way that is best for you. My condolences.
Re: He says I am a cold person!?!?! Batman: Well, it IS pretty cold to tell someone not to go to a funeral. The focus should be on your grandfather's life, not the death of your marriage.
I don't know how close you are he was to your grandpa, but I was VERY close to my ex's grandfather. When he died (very recently) I made it my purpose not only to attend but to help the family out in any way I could.
This is just me, but if my ex would have asked me not to attend, I would have been hurt beyond measure. A person only gets one funeral, and if I had not been "allowed" to pay my respects then I would have been deeply hurt and I would have regretted it for the rest of my life.
I know this is a hard thing, but please consider moving beyond your hatred for your ex and focusing on the love you had for your grandpa. Is it possible that your ex loved him too? It's a cold thing to deny someone closure if their loved one has died.
If you think about it and still don't think you could handle him there, then perhaps you should offer him alternate ways to grieve the loss.
Ask him to send a donation, or come to the visitation at a special time, or tell him where the grave is so that he can go there and mourn by himself. :'(
I know it's hard, but I wouldn't have missed my ex's grandfather's funeral for the world. I loved him, even though I didn't love her anymore.
Re: He says I am a cold person!?!?! somechick: I understand your point of view Batman, and you must have been very close with your ex's grandpa. My stbxh on the other hand was not, never went to visit even though he lived within walking distance of our house, I would usually go alone or with my daughter to visit him. He really could never be bothered to take a 5 minute walk and sit with my Grandpa and talk. He knew my Grandpa was not well and could have went and saw him anytime he wanted to, something he never did. I think the last time he did see my Grandpa was early 2005.
As I said he will not be any comfort to me or my family if he attends the services. His being there would only cause more pain for everyone.
He's welcome to send a sympathy card, or make a donation as you said, he's aware of the charities he may donate to.
But for him to attack me the day after my Grandpa passed is beyond my comprension.l
As I said I left him a very nice note, thanked him a couple of times for his show of condolence. I guess we can agree to disagree Batman, but he's no longer a part of my family, he threw that away when he hooked up with the girlfriend, lost his job and was charged with theft.
My family doesn't need to see the man who almost destroyed their daughter's life when we are all mourning the loss of a man who was truly wonderful to his family, his friends and his community.
Re: He says I am a cold person!?!?! Batman: Okay then. I'm truly sorry for your loss. :'(
