Sister is being mean. PLEASE HELP! LittleMinnow: It's been 3 months since we've been separated. My therapist calls what I went through with the stbxh 'psychological warfare'. He got physical only once, but basically over time beat me down and broke my spirit. So we were going to therapy separately since the first time he said he wanted a divorce (December), and eventually we were supposed to go to marriage counselling. So I moved out of MY house, MY property, and moved in with my parents for the duration. So three weeks ago he calls me up and asks me to make him an appointment with my therapist for the initial marriage counselling consultation. Later that day, he says the appointment I made is too far away (only 7 days) and that we need to talk right away. You got it. He said he didn't want to go to marriage counselling and wanted to file. Two days later I called to see if he had a lawyer in mind so I wouldn't go to the same one, and also to see if he even wanted to use lawyers since we have only been married for a year and a half. I said, "We don't have any shared money or accounts or property or custody issues." He responded "Yeah we don't have any custody issues." I said well, that property and house was paid for and in my name before I ever met you. Same with my truck. Anyway he said he wasn't going to say anything until he talked to a lawyer. So he and his stepson are living in my house. Fine. OK. A week later, still hadn't gone to a lawyer saying he had no time or money (yet he told me he almost bought a new rope horse that week). So I end up meeting with a lawyer last Thursday and plunking down the money to get this thing over with. That's just how he is...manipulative. He gets to live where he wants (my place) without me there. Perfect for him. Who knows how long he would have waited to file. Lawyer says there is no way he will get my stuff since it is in my name solely and fully paid for before he ever met me. THANK GOD. So this guy is a jerk.
However, I really expected that my sisters would be supportive of me in all of this, you know family loyalty. I was totally wrong. STBXH befriended my brother-in-law recently. Lovely. Ok whatever, I said to myself. Maybe he needs a friend. But the divorce is definitely going through....his decision remember? So my sister calls me today and asks me if I would be okay with her and her husband hiring my stbx to work for them. What the F?!!! I couldn't believe my ears. She basically said it was to make her life easier by hiring my ex then her husband would be able to spend more time with her. I said well I'm so glad you considered my feelings... Am I off my rocker for thinking that this option never should have entered her brain? I told her it shouldn't have been considered much less run by me. I told her I was totally hurt and basically we had a humongous fight where she said she knew what it was like to be in marriage (she DOES NOT). I screamed, "Has your husband ever said, "You're such a F'in loser" to you? Has he ever put his hands on you? Have you ever had to call the police on him? Has he ever left you in another state during a fight? She said no, and so I said "THEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE IN MY MARRIAGE!" Dammit. I feel betrayed by my own blood. I told her that she was insensitive and lacked basic compassion. But I feel so betrayed, hurt, and even more alone. Like she is thinking I'm crazy and 'no wonder her husband left her.' Neither one of my older sisters called me after the separation (when he left me on the corner in another state), they only live 5 miles from here. One came over shortly after the separation to talk, but I've not heard from her since (and that was in mid December). This call from the other sister is the only one she has made in the entire time of this mess. ugh. I go to therapy every single week, and I'm sure this will be my topic for Tuesday! I'm worried we will never speak to each other again. At this point I don't want to talk to her because she just says hurtful things and doesn't believe the things I tell her about how awful my marriage was. Anyone go through this where there siblings seem to be taking sides with the awful ex??????? PLEASE HELP!
Re: Sister is being mean. PLEASE HELP! bluskygrl: No but my stbxh works for my dad ...So it is very tense here sometimes... I love my dad, he is a great guy, but putting him in the middle would be wrong, so I don't, But then I miss talking to my dad when I need to. As for him, I would not recommend working for your family.
Counseling is a great idea and as for the whole family I think you have a right to be betrayed when they attack your decisions... on the other hand you have to respect their decision to befriend him if it deos not affect you....they will soon learn the truth.
Hang in there. I have a large family and sometimes...well you can't please all of the people all of the time
Hell even some of the time!
{{HUGS}}
Re: Sister is being mean. PLEASE HELP! snkpack5: Minnow,
First off I have two sisters. I'm pretty sure my younger sister slept with my ex and while we were in a disagreement once she actually told me that's why he left me, cause I was a bad wife and mother. I don't talk to her anymore. As if it weren't bad enough that she couldn't keep her nasty ass of my husband, she didn't have enough love for me to shut her mouth and butt out when everything fell apart.
When my ex came to see the kids for the first time after the divorce, my older sister actually took him out to dinner. She KNEW everything that had happened and I couldn't believe she would do this. Then she proceeds to tell me that he still loves me and I should try and make it work. Yes, once again a stab in the heart.
It sucks to feel your family is betraying you when you need them the most. I love my big sister to death, she has helped me so much. And she had the best of intentions because she thinks marriage is supposed to work, but I felt hurt by the fact that she KNEW how much he had hurt me over the years and instead of being on my side and taking my word for it, she took measures into her own hands and tried to fix something that I was done trying to fix.
And my little sister? Well I really don't consider her my sister anymore.
Re: Sister is being mean. PLEASE HELP! reck: hmmm whats up with these "sisters."
my whole family was a great support to me...except my "ex" sister.
She made a deliberate decision to believe my ex ahead of me, and when i proved to her beyond a doubt of her lies all she would reply was "weeelllllll thats what she said happened". She always had a history of being the devils advocite for her own entertainment, so in the end i suppose it wasnt a surprise.
My ex has a better chance of forgivness, at least she had an outcome in mind for doing what she did.
Re: Sister is being mean. PLEASE HELP! LittleMinnow: Sorry you guys went through this crap too. It's bad enough to be getting divorced, but then to have to relive all the hell that you went through just so your family will understand and not play devil's advocate is a painful eyeopener. I guess I am naive or too loyal...always thought blood was thicker than water. I've always been the type to side with my family no matter what....I just can't believe that me and my sisters are related. Stupid to just assume that they would naturally support their sister of 32 years instead of the man they've only known for two years. Obviously I was wrong. I know it's terrible to think, but I found myself wishing they would get a divorce so they would know how it feels. Oh how I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her for being so insensitive!
Thank God my stbxh was 20 years older than me, my sisters' hubbies are way hotter....never had to worry about them wanting to take a roll in the hay with mine. I don't think I could forgive a sister for doing that. :( Sorry that happened to you, girl.
