i need to go no contact jonpc1: hello all,
Just sitting here this evening with my dear children, but still kinda down so thought i would log into ojar. Wife left me after 12 yrs of marriage for OM about 6 mos ago--4 months in, he saw the psychotic b*&ch that i still love and ran like hell. I posted earlier in the year as jonpc, so you can read my earlier posts if you want to know what has gone down.
Since the beginning of the year, my wife has shown signs of thawing out, and since i love her dearly, I have rushed through every yellow light she has given me, which has been a horrible mistake every time.
Irony...i have read about your situation diligently, and my sitch can be filed between your's and falcon's. I truly believe that my wife has BPD because of the push/pull thing. My therapist told me recently that people with this disorder cannot be helped unless they admit to their disorder. Irony.......was you wife diagnosed with this, and did she go for a diagnosis on her on? Mine would never go to get the diagnosis because of her pride....i/e i am the reason for all her problems. I hat to give up on her, but it has been six months, and she is starting to call me EVERY day, and I talk to her now, but she starts to get upset when I don't bring up our relationship.
In previous conversations a few months ago, she would get mad if i did.....now she acts like i am an a^&hole if i am short with her, and "pretend" as if i am happy with things the way they are.
Since I have initiated "limited-contact" with her around the first of the year, she will find reasons to show up at my apartment, and I have a really hard time resisting her if she makes advances.
I am 200% attracted to her as she is a beautiful woman, but i know i am postponing my healing by sleeping with her.
Should I just not answer the door and let her walk away?
Should I keep sleeping with her and postpone my healing?
Should I close my heart to her, and sleep with her anyway?
Keep in mind...I LOVE to sleep with her, and she knows this....I wish to God I could resist her and act like I don't want her.........................Maybe I just have her p---y on a pedastal
Re: i need to go no contact Lumpy: If you're truly done then shut her out. Anything less is postponing your healing. Maybe you could try the carrot and stick approach if you feel there's any hope of her getting help. "I won't consider reconciliation until you consider therapy?"
Re: i need to go no contact Older Guy: I used to sleep with my ex all the time after we broke up. It is not healthy or good for "you" if it is really over. It was a lot easier to move on once i stopped doing that. She was shocked the first few times that i turned her down and it shook her that she was losing her "grip" on me. But i was good for me and helped me make great strides afterwards.
OG
Re: i need to go no contact doseyclwn: I feel for ya, man. I"m pretty sure my wife is somethign like that. I know her Mother is. I had to get real cold about it. No contact when unnecessary. Intentionally try to move on. It's the only way I've found that keeps me from going nuts.
Re: i need to go no contact jonpc1: It's the hardest thing in the world to give up hope on her. She asked me today if i still wanted to go to the Black Crowes concert with her (she bought 2 tickets a week ago, but told me she didn't know who she was going with) . At the time, I told her that I would love to go with her. I told her today that i had made some other plans for that night. That, my friends, took almost all that I had. Thanks for the support! :)
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