So far away... Bea: I don't know if this is a vent-o-board for things not directly related to EX's, but here I go. More than a vent, these are just my thoughts right now... I miss my family so freaking much! Today's my nephew's birthday and they're having a party for my favourite 8 year old in the world. Everyone's there, except me. It hurts so much I'm in tears and then I start wondering what the hell am I doing here, so far away from the people I will always be able to count on, the people who love me unconditionally, the people who truly know me and care about me.
I keep telling myself this was my decision, that this is what I have to do now, that otherwise I would be feeling stuck like I did last year. I'm achieving something, I'm growing, I'm building a better future for myself and I'm learning to be independent and strong. Some people have asked me why I just don't go back to my country and sometimes I ask myself the same thing, but no... I have to stay here, I have to finish what I started, I have to accept this challenge and do it right. I hate feeling my heart split in two and not knowing what to do about it.
And then it all goes back to him, my STBX. It's like I blame him for my bad moments, I blame him for putting me through this, but at the same time I feel like if my marriage hadn't gone to the pooper, I wouldn't be here finally doing what I should've done a long time ago: grow up. Should I thank him, though? Should I thank him for giving me a reason to think about the way I was living my life? Should I thank him for challenging me to be alone and prove myself that I am, in fact, capable of doing things by and for myself? Maybe I should. It's just frustrating that we only learn something good during the hardest times.
Right now I would give everything I have to see my mom, my brothers, their kids and my friends. I would give all that I have to sit at home and hear their familiar voices. I miss my brother's jokes, my mom's sweet advice, my nephew's smartass comments about life, my little niece's giggles, my sister in law's encouraging words. I miss the warmth of my country and its people. I miss it all, so very much...
But yes, this was my decision, nobody made me do this, nobody sent me away. And I know even though my people miss me tons, they're happy for me, they're proud of me and I know that once I'm done with my life's task I will be able to return and share my accomplishments with them as a happier, stronger, more independent person.
I guess now I'll just put on my funny winter hat, walk to the convenience and buy a calling card to wish my nephew a happy birthday and tell him how much I love him. It's just so hard not to see him and his little sister grow up, but I won't give up.
Re: So far away... JNA: It' always hard when you miss people...Especially those that are family and close to you...
I have been on those situations and it makes you feel very lonely at times
To call and talk to them would be a good thing and may help some...
I admire your courage and strength for doing what you want to achieve
Sometimes what we do in life is hard but it all pans out in the end...
Stay Strong
JNA
Re: So far away... yella: Bea, honey!!!
Although I've never moved to another country, or state, from my family, I can relate to the pain you're feeling now, and the trapped feeling you had before.
There are many times when I want to pack everything up and leave, go someplace new, and start over. It's a dream I've had for as long as I can remember because the people who love me are also the ones who control me. It's a tough postion to be in because out of that control is the comfort of family and people who really know you. Confusing, huh?
You know that you're doing the right thing, but getting homesick is ok too. It's a natural emotion that we all feel when we are so far away from what we really know. As time goes on, it'll get easier to deal with, but until then, just know that it's ok to feel sad, and it's ok to cry.
I know that if my day ever comes when I really do pack up and go, it'll be the toughest thing I ever do, but the best too.
The good news is that we live in an age of many technological advances and keeping in touch is easier then ever. That should help a little, but I know better than to think it can replace a warm hug.
Like you've done for me, PM me if you need to talk. :-*
Re: So far away... gai: I feel your pain!
I live on the other side of the world to my family, and I haven't even told them what's happened because I don't want to worry them.
It's alright for my selfish "husband" - he's gone to stay with his parents who live half an hour down the road. I'm alone here in a country where I hardly know anyone and my family are 13 hours away by plane :( Immature twat!
(Sorry to hijack your post with my own rant!)
