missing my old life nrsgirl: I cant even believe how much I am missing my old life lately. When my ex and I broke up, the only way we would really break up was if I left the house that I had come to love. When he went to jail for 10 months, it had become my safe haven, my true north, my only safe place it seemed in the world. I could cry in our bed that we had shared until my head hurt and no one heard or could get to me. Now i live in a cheap row home, the only thing I could afford on my own. Before I lived in a single home with a big yard, a big tree that I used to stare out at as I washed dishes at the kitchen sink. Now I stare at a dark wall. I used to sit at my desk, HIS desk, and look out at the squirrels and rabbits and birds. Now I stare at windows covered with blinds and curtains closed so the a***** that live next to me cant see me and I cant hear them. They keep me up nights with their noise, last night I hardly slept. That doesn't help with the emotions I guess. Then I heard about this girl I knew who just separated from her husband, I was very surprised, and how she has a new boyfriend already after two or three months only. I thought my god, its been almost two years for me, this is my second winter alone, and still I don't have anyone new. Guess I am feeling WAAAAY too sorry for myself and needed to vent so I can stop crying. Lately I just think about my house, my HOME, that i had to leave behind, and how much I miss it, and how much I miss having someone to cuddle up to Sunday mornings, and to go to the store with, just little simple things, that are such a heartache when you are alone but were fun with the person I loved. I miss him so much but I can never have back what I had. I would give all the money I have right now to be able to be back in my old house. But....its not my house. Its his house. It was and is and always will be. He lives in it now without me and I must live with my decision. Feeling like I just want to go HOME...Lately Im so tearful I find myself trying to convince myself that his drinking maybe wouldn't matter. That maybe his not working wouldn't matter. If only I could be in my safe place again. Its not to be. I know I have to allow my grief and try to heal. Warm weather, longer days will be such a relief. Cold winters alone suck bad. I wish I could see into the future and know that things will get better. I wish I knew why I havent' met anyone like so many others do. The worst of my daydreams have me even thinking that maybe he will go back to jail and I will be able to move back in. Its so awful, I feel so awful for even having that thought because I still love him and would hate to have him back there, it would break my heart all over again. Maybe I shouldn't expect myself to have healed yet. I lost the love of my life in Oct 2004. I lost my home in Aug 2005. For some reason my heart is still broken and aches for those losses. Thinking this feeling better thing may just take a long while......
Re: missing my old life amess: When I moved from "our" home it took me a long time to sober up from the shock. Moving itself is high up there on the stress list, but when it involves a breakup, it is natural to go into shock and depression. Just be reassured that nothing stays the same, that this is not the way your life will be forever. It will take time, but if you get up and go about your life, even if you feel like crap, it will get much better. You have moved out of your home, and you will move out of your past life into a new one that might be a whole lot better.
Re: missing my old life alonewith2: I moved out the first time. I cried so hard that day. More for the house then I did for him... It was my dream to get that house. It was my dream to fix it up. It broke me in two knowing that he was just going to use it for a romper room with his new girl....and not appreciate it the way I did.
It took me two days to come back and kick him out. I wouldn't have made it if I had to live elsewhere while he lived here!
Re: missing my old life JNA: All change is difficult...
But going through a long-term breakup or divorce is nothing like "change"
I know for me at one point in time it felt like I was a stranger in a strange place...
Most of the friends were still there
A lot of things as in my job and other things had not changed but I was missing something...
That something was her...
Maybe the life I lived or who knows
I can tell you this though...
In time it does get better
100 times better especially if he was a drinker...
Give it some time and process the pain no matter how hard it is and you will be so happy in the near future that you will wonder what you even missed
Give it time ok
JNA
One time I was sitting in sitting in this place after we split up and a guy asked me why ya so glum...chum...
I told him my story and he said well...I lost three houses...and still have one...
I'm thinking WTF ya know this guy is a loser three houses three wives
Nope...First wife killed in an accident...Second wife left him for another and the third wife he had been with for 20 years after losing two in ten years...
After all the heartache he went through...This was the happiest guy I ever met...
There are a few jokes I learned from him on this board
It does get better ok...
Re: missing my old life seyfert: I miss my house too. We bought it and renovated the entire thing. I had such plans and ideas for it. It was hard to give them up. I'm still sad when I see the way he keeps it. After less than one year, he has piles of stuff with trails to walk through because he can't throw anything out.
If I think about it, I get sad. So, I think about my next house. I don't have it yet, but I will. I make plans for it. I'll have the opportunity to make that house my own.
You will too. Even if it is your crummy apt., you can make it your own. Or dream about the next house.
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