I'm currently out of catchy titles... Irony: [color=navy">
I want to be very honest with you...
sometimes i just miss you.. I miss holding you in my sleep.. miss waking up to you.. miss being loved by you. Miss you coming over and holding me while I sleep.. it was the most intense feeling of its kind I've ever experienced. Miss laughing with you and planning for the future with you..
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and long for you..sometimes I see a beautiful sunset and I want to share it with you.
Last night we spoke on the phone for what seemed like a half hour.. that's the first time we've done that since we were dating. It felt good to connect with you.
You can be such a warm and loving person Di.. I miss that.
We spoke aboout so many things. One things was the death of your ex's sister, who had surgery a couple days ago and developed blood poisoning and died the very next day.
It hit me again about how unpredictable life can be.. how we always seem to act like we think we've got forever.
Forever.... there's that word again. I've thought of that word many times since you left.
We all waste precious time and neglect to say the things we need to say to the ones we love.
Well.. I miss you.
I wish things were different.. you are a very special person and have had a huge impact on my life.
I wish things were different.
I know you want this marriage to be over and done..
I feel the same way too. .. our old marriage is over. we treated each other poorly and did a lot of things to each other that were the result of our past experiences..neither of us is the same as the two people who were in that marriage.
I wish things were different.
I would cherish you and be your best friend.. I would treat you like a part of myself because that is what you still feel like to me.. only now I know how to deal with that part of you.
tonight I am sad.. I will go to sleep and hold my pillow like it is you.
a poor substitute for the love you told me you had for me and I had for you.
I'm rambling and sad.. I am sorry to have hurt you and I'm sorry you hurt me.
I like that we can finally be friends.. I pray that someday......
...
...
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Re: I'm currently out of catchy titles... manda: Irony,
I could have written that myself for my ex. I'm going through the same feelings--clinging to our friendship because it is easier than losing everything about him.
But there is a small voice that says that I am hurting myself by doing that. Do you feel that way too? It keeps that hope alive.
And I wonder if I am lying to myself with some of the nostalgic feelings. The truth is that lots of the things I miss were probably not as I remember them. It's the idea of him and the idea of our marriage, the comfort and security, belonging to someone.
You and I keep killing ourselves with this crap, Irony. But it must be necessary. It must be. So, let's just miss them and cry, okay? Maybe it will pass quicker if we do.
Hugs,
Manda
Re: I'm currently out of catchy titles... Irony: Yeah manda.. you and I are at about the same stage here...
and on the phone with her last night..one of the things we talked about was that it s sad that people waste so much time because we think we 've got forever.
So, last nignt I had a very realistic dream...
In my dream.. we had a houesful of family...my relatives and hers for the first time...
and in the midst of it, she grabbed intimately and said she wanted to make love..
?
...and I turned her down... I asked her why this and why now..
?
then more relatives came in ...and she disappeared into our bedroom..
by the time I got back to her (having come to my senses LOL) she had left and had written me a cryptic email. she had been complaining of headaches and her writing was almost indecipherable.. said she had gone somewhere because she didnt feel well and couldnt think straight.. felt mentally confused adn dizzy, and somehow I knew I 'd never see her again alive.
just like carol.. just like claire.. and I then found myself throwing up in the bathroom of a factory somewhere and riding off up the new jersey turnpike on a bicycle.
I dont know whether it's false hope keeping me back so much as regret for not handling our marriage better.
Doesn't matter much at this point.. the end result is the same.. she is gone and I'm alone again on a cold gray morning.
?
Moving on is much more difficult than I ever would have imagined.
iron man
Re: I'm currently out of catchy titles... damn53: Man, that made me sad to read. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, I will say that it was beautiful Irony.
Re: I'm currently out of catchy titles... Irony:
Thanks damn,
Of all the compliments I've gotten on my writing, yours is the latest :P
*refusing to lose sense of humor*
iron man
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