How do you know? not sure yet: Not sure where to begin. I am pretty sure I want to divorce my husband. We have been bad for some time. Not sure of his fidelity - but not sure it even matters anymore. He has completely shut down. He does not want to talk about our marriage. He doesn't want to work on it and doesn't want to leave. I can't stand being stuck here. I am hurt, lonely, fustrated, angry, sad, every emotion you could think of...When I think about divorce, the only thing that concerns me is the effect it will have on our son and the financial problems. The financial problems I know will eventually work out because while I work part time, I still make enough money to support myself and my son. My biggest concern is my son and the impact on him, but I can't imagine living with two parents who have checked out of the marriage is good for him. Does anyone ever get a moment of clarity that says "GET A DIVORCE" or "STICK WITH IT." I don't know what to do.
Re: How do you know? Topaz: [quote author=not sure yet link=topic=26520.msg254356#msg254356 date=1141847798">
Does anyone ever get a moment of clarity that says "GET A DIVORCE" or "STICK WITH IT."
[/quote">
Yes, I did, and as you can guess from my presence here, that moment of clarity for me was in the first category.
As you're discovering, two people have to be willing to do the work, and work together. Otherwise, you have a really rough road to walk, and I don't know anyone who has made it work when only one spouse was willing to improve the marriage. My stbx claimed that he didn't want to split up, but he also didn't manifest any initiative to work together, so ultimately I chose to walk.
Re: How do you know? sosad05: I also had a moment of clarity and knew I had to go one way or the other.
Let me warn you about divorce though (maybe you're situation will be different)...however, it is the most painful, heartwrenching experience I've ever had. Ultimately, I know I made the right decision but there are days that I am so depressed, sad, and miss him I cant stand it. If you have truly worked through everything and there is no recourse, then maybe divorce is the right thing for you. However, if there is any chance at all try to save your marriage. On the same, token, you cant save it on your own. He has to be willing to work on it also. Perhaps, you need to sit down and tell him that if he is unwilling to work on it with you, that you have every intention of filing for divorce.
[quote"> I am hurt, lonely, fustrated, angry, sad, every emotion you could think of[/quote">
These feelings do NOT go away with a divorce. You will feel them even more intensely with a divorce. Although, I did also feel a sense of relief.
It's a very hard decision! I went back and forth with this decision for about 3 years. I wish I would have made the decision to end it 3 years ago but I wouldnt have my beautiful son if I would have. He was the purpose of me staying. Good luck!
Re: How do you know? grizwold: I have to say that when it happened for me, it just came out of my mouth. I could feel myself getting really scared and nervous about it, and wanting to say it. Now I wish I never did. Be really careful if you are limbo. If there is anything you can do to make you lean definately one way try to find that. Whether it couples counseling or what, but you don't want to regret anything... trust me & good luck...
