My story calander77: I'm so shy to acutally sign up and look for support. I'm a pretty independent successful girl. It's not my style to search for random support. I suppose I'm just so low that I'm ashamed to ask my family or friends. I just want to get through this.
The divorce was final in October. Why isn't that enough time by now to move on. My heart hurts. Here's a quicky story....
We road dirt bikes as kids. Rocked matching Ghost Butster t-shirts. Dad's were best friends. (even to this day) We were on and off in high school. I dyed my hair green. He liked rap. Well...In 1999 we ran into each other in Boulder during the blues festival. Dated hardcore. He surprised me during my lunch break with tickets to Mexico. We got hitched during my lunch hour without rings. Big secret for a couple of weeks. Time goes on and I get pregnant. He refuses anything with me after I hit 6 months. I mean I was huge. And I'm tiny. I'm Asian. I'm a hard runner (average 5 miles a DAY) and I became "thick" meaning I'm usually 105 lbs and grew to 130 lbs. He cheated. Kicked me out during my sleep so he could bring his hoe home. OMG, reflecting is giving me tears. UGH.
HIM my best friend became my enemy. After all that. I begged. BEGGED him to be with me. I'm not fugly. I like to think I'm hot. But I lost my confedence and became pathetic. I look back and KNOW my appearace was on point, my soul was hungary for love. So vunerable. 3 months after our boy was born, I bought a house with case and moved during his lunch break. Don't get me wrong, it was planned weeks in advance. I was out. I can't tolerate physical or mental abuse on a regular basis.
Sooooooo......I still have that house. He still has his. Our son is now 2 years old come this April. And I'm STILL feeling low. Our divorce went to trial. We even made it to the Supreme Court. No shit. We both come successful famlies. His child support payments per month would exceed 5 grand. So to avoid that and just get a nanny, we're going all the way. Funny. I'm a litigation specialist.
I've dated. Nothing sticks. I have an edge. We hooked up during Valentines Day. And I HATE myself for it. The guy begs for a second chance and I melt. I never show that. I'm alway sporting a strong, tough exterior. But I love that fucker.
Our son is safe and happy and has no clue. He's barely 2 and is enrolled where he's learning french and spanish. Pretty cool to me.
Thank you all for letting me rant. I'm very alone in my struggle. It's so hard. I just need to vent. And I feel strong when I read other stories.
Re: My story sosad05: Hi there. Glad to see you found this website...its awesome.
[quote"> The divorce was final in October. Why isn't that enough time by now to move on. My heart hurts.[/quote">
In the big picture, that's not that long ago. It will take you time to grieve over the loss of your relationship. You were (are still ?) in love with the man. Unfortunately, we cant just turn feelings off like a light switch. You will have to deal with him for the rest of your life.
There are lots of articles and posts on learning to let go. I myself have not mastered it yet. I'm working on it everyday and I get stronger everyday.
[quote"> Our son is safe and happy and has no clue. He's barely 2 and is enrolled where he's learning french and spanish.[/quote">
This is the important thing! It sounds like you're doing things right. Feel free to PM if you want.
Re: My story nhlaholic: [quote author=calander77 link=topic=26544.msg254644#msg254644 date=1141875805">
I'm very alone in my struggle. It's so hard.[/quote">
Take solace, calender77, you are alone no longer. In my brief exploration of this site I have found the following:
1) These people care
2) There may be disagreement here, but it is not charged with anger
3) I am not alone
4) There is hope after a failed marriage
All-in-all, I'd say that stumbling across this site is a sincere blessing.
Grieve, stay strong, and never, under any circumstance, give up!
Re: My story Lumpy: The Supreme Court hears divorce cases? ???
