Re: I want my exwife back... poppy: at first i was confused and saddened by his apology. he told me that he cried when i moved out (but he wanted me to move out and i called him before i left to drive to another state to be sure it was what he wanted); he told me that for the three months that we co-habitatied after he filed for divorce, he slept in the basement) that he often drove out to the stateline crying about the situation. so i think that a person who is crying about the situation wants me back, or doesn't want the situation as it is. he didn't tell me that he used to drive out to the stateline crying before he told me he wanted a divorce. so i was confused.
i believe that his "apology" was about manipulation regarding some legal matters. however, i cannot be sure what his apologetic motivations really were, but they were not about me or the status of our marriage. i called him on it and he shut me down. so he is either still emotionally unavailable, or he really has no idea how to apologize. he didn't force it on me, probably because he knew that it was insincere and backed with nothing.
when you say that you deserve nothing, i am struck by that. my husband had sent me several self-loathing e-mails about how he didn't deserve me and that i deserved so much better. again, i was confused. i never said he didn't deserve me. isn't that my decision to make? my answer to him was- then act like you deserve me. want to deserve me. the difference between you and him is that he didn't really want to deserve me, you want to derserve your ex.
were you trying to treat your girlfriend like your wife because you really wanted your wife or because you just know no other way?
answering her questions about the girlfriend is your choince. i have decided that if i had the opportunity to reconcile that i didn't want to know anything about them. i also know other people who are reconciling and say that when all of their questions were answered, they knew more than they wanted to know. maybe you can suggest that the best way to handle those types of discussions may be with a therapist.
have you expressed to your wife that you are remorseful? that you know that you hurt her?
i would take my husband back before the divorce is final. i think it is because i love him, but it may very well be fear. i think that love is a choice and that marriage is a partnership. everything is negotiable. but it is not really going to happen or something i need to entertain. he is living with his girlfriend, were are not in contact. he wanted this divorce completed as soon as possible.
Re: I want my exwife back... grizwold: I have to be honest and admit that I also didn't cry until I moved out until California. i tried to be strong and stubborn (that's my family nature), but then utterly lost it one day in California, and thats when I knew I needed to come back.
I wasn't saying that she doesn't deserve me. I'm saying in all honesty I don't deserve a second chance. But like you said that's her choice to make, not mine. But as an outsider you might say that I personally don't deserve it b/c of what I did to her.
I think I was treating my new girlfriend like that because I wanted her to be my ex-wife. I know how to love someone yes, and i've been in a couple long term relationships. I was trying to turn her into my ex-wife unconsciencely and I realize that now. I try to tell my ex-wife everyday that I'm hugely remorseful and I know how badly I hurt her. Everytime we talk I try to apologize is some sort of way again.
When you say that about your husband that he want the divorce as soon as possible, that's exactly what I did too. I wanted it so fast that we never had time to bitch, argue, fight, love, cuddle, want, etc. It was more about just getting everything filed, seperated, etc. It was irrational and not a partnership at all.
How long were you guys together? How long has he been with his new girl?
Re: I want my exwife back... froggee: If she's confused and doesn't know what she wants, you've got to respect that and let her make the decision on her own. If you really love her, and it sounds like you do, you've got to be prepared for the possibility that the best thing for her might be to let her go. Until she has time to sort through her feelings and decide whether or not to give it another go, there's no way of knowing whether or not that's the case.
In the meantime, concentrate on being her friend. Let her know that, despite your problems, you love her and you're there for her if she ever needs to talk. Keep the lines of communication open, and above all be honest. If she ultimately decides to give you a second chance, this should be a good foundation from which to rebuild your relationship. And if she doesn't, then you'll be a great friend... which is nothing to scoff at.
So be patient and try to stay positive (hard to do, I know... but it's better than working yourself up). I really do believe that things happen for a reason. So if the relationship was meant to be, it will be again.
Re: I want my exwife back... grizwold: hey frogee-
I understand completely everything you have been saying. Its also really hard for me to sit and look at myself in a mirror knowing what I have created for myself. i haven't been this sad in many many years, and it just gets harder and harder each day to live with it.
I know that she still loves me to some degree, whether or not that means being her friend or being back with her I don't know, but either way I know that love will be there. I know that If I had never been with someone else we would probably be back together or at least trying, but becuase of that I have to earn all that trust back. I am being patient... (i even got a bonsai tree w/patience tatoo on my left arm for that main reason).
I miss my best friend, my lover, and soul mate...
Re: I want my exwife back... grizwold: well i talked to m one of my friends last night who told me the best thing to do is just "let it be" and the she's still in love with me but I need to just let her be. I've been doing that, but i can't help wanting to talk to her, and see her, etc. But I will continue to be patient in hopes that one day we will make it back.
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