Re: I want my exwife back... grizwold: yes, our divorce went final about a week after our 2 year anniversary last October. How do you regain someones trust when you hurt them so badly? I'm trying just to be there and talk, etc. She's not ready to actually do anything or go to dinner, etc, although I keep asking her. She says that shes really confused by what has happened with me and its hard to see me. So i've just been calling her and emailing her. It doesn't help that I'm currently looking for a new job, so I have tons of free time to just think.
Re: I want my exwife back... poppy: grizwold,
i guess it is different for everyone, but i have in my head what i would want out of my husband in order to make amends. i really don't think that it is a lot. i just want him to say the right thing to me. i think he may need to have a heart-heart with my dad, as my family is very close and i would think he owed my dad an explanation. that is it. he could win me over by saying the right things and then backing it up.
however, that is just my sick fantasy. i am still in denial, and approaching seven months of separation, the divorce should be final soon.
if she is speaking to you, perhaps that is a good sign. i don't know what she wants or how receptive she is to reconciliation. maybe you need to ask her point blank if it is even an option. if he says no, you need to move on. if she says yes, you will need to move at her pace.
poppy
Re: I want my exwife back... grizwold: I thought about that (dad thing) b/c when we first got Really really serious, I had written him a letter telling him that I would take care of his daughter, that I was madly in love with her, etc. During his speach at the wedding, he actually still had it and brought it out. I think he might kill me if he saw me right now, but i have thought about writing him another letter. Mostly for me though, apologizing, not just to get back with my wife.
As far as asking her, i have asked if there's ever going to be a chance for us. She hasn't quite replied. She just says that she's really confused that I am feeling this way. She never says NO, or I don't know. Just that she's confused I want everything back. She keeps telling me I'm lonely or deflecting it back to me instead of just answering the question...
Re: I want my exwife back... poppy: grizwold,
i can see why she would be confused about why you are feeling this way now. she may feel that you have ulterior motives. that is why backing up your words with actions is so important.
she was unhappy and you stormed off, got a girlfriend and a divorce. and now you regret your decision. that is why she is confused. that is why you need to show her that you are interested in rebuilding your relationship for the right reasons. she doesn't want to be the consolation prize.
perhaps you can start to make amends by sending a letter of apology to your former father in law. seeing as you have already written him one heartfelt letter that you did not follow through with (i am not chastizing you here), i think you may really owe him a letter of apology and explanation. it may change nothing with you and your ex, but if you are having such conflicting feelings now, it may help you to make that apology.
make sure that your apology is sincere and backed with action. my husband has acted heinously, shockingly, and he sent me a faux apology. it was really an apology that i found out about what he did. it was an apology about his shame in getting a divorce, but not an apology for his humiliating, amoral, devastating behavior. his apology was backed by nothing. no attempt to discuss our problems, and his girlfriend still lives in my house. he did offer to do my taxes. that apology hurt and confused me more than if he had said nothing at all. his apology was about him and had nothing to do with me.
Re: I want my exwife back... grizwold: so basically his apology was to make himself feel better and not about you. I understand that, but its not right. If he wants to apologize to himself, he can do that in a mirror, he doesn't have to force it upon you.
I personally have accepted the fact that I don't deserve anything. I may want something, but I definately don't deserve it. My ex-wife has an incredible heart and I stomped on it.
Thank you for the consolation prize comment, b/c I think that is exactly what she is feeling, especially when she keeps saying that I'm alone. The first time we talked when I got back all she wanted to know was what happened with the girlfriend.... why this and why that.
I didn't tell her this as I was just realizing it yesterday was that I was trying to treat my new girlfriend like I did my wife. Once I even made dinner and tried to keep telling her that she loves that meal when it was one that my wife loved.
would you take your husband back???
Click More for the next page.
