Screw It AMG: Depression has set it. I dont want or seem to care about anything. I have so much else going on right now, I feel like a robot going through it all.
I dont even know how I feel about this whole situation anymore. I want him back so bad, but as time goes on...it seems less and less possible. Part of me doesnt give a crap about him any more, he is an a$$. I actually want him to contact me so I can tell him exactly what I think. It would feel so good to tell him where to go. He disguests me right now.
I talked to his mother the other day. She wants to remain friends. Is that possible? I did cross the line and ask her if she thought there was any hope. She said yes. She said she had talked to him the night before and he had asked if she had talked to me. She said right now he is respecting my wishes not to contact me. At first I was all happy she said there was hope. But now when I think about it, she told me she really hasnt talked to him that much about it. She thinks he just wants to spread his wings. He is respecting my wishes not to contact me, as a friend. Further driving home the statement that he thought our relationship was "nothing more than a friendship". He probably thinks he is being all saintly "respecting my wishes". Its nice and all, but the ease at which he is doing it is what hurts. He has obviously let go. F-ing Great. Guess I knew that already seeing how he is with someone else. I am so repulsed by that.
It is confusing to have so much love for someone, but at the same time feeling so much hate. Sometimes I feel guilty. Sometimes it really freaks me out that if I can feel negative feelings then it must be getting easier for him to forget me. He told me at one point he thought i was a habit. Nice huh? So he obviously is having no problem kicking that habit.
Each day the realization that it really is over use to make me complete just break down. Now, its like I cant move. I feel beaten. I lost and I just cant move or care. I miss him so much, I just wish he would come to his senses. Guess he thinks he has. Whatever.
Re: Screw It damn53: This is really diificult AMG, I have been (am going) through it. It gets easier I think, and when I am feeling really depressed, I try to do something for me, that makes me feel good. Working out helps, so does reading, or going to something educational. I spend time with the kid I mentor. That is just me, but I think finding something that you feel is productive for you is key to helping get through it.
I also tend to go to the bar, but that doesn't help in the end. When I go and don't drink it does, just shoot pool and talk to friends, but the alcohol is not an anto-depressant.
Re: Screw It john: Hi AMG
I know how you feel because I was there before.
I am not going to tell you (as some ignorant people do) “forget about him…he is a loser…there are other fishes in the sea….etc” CRAP. First of all, you have to realize that you are going to feel real pain. It is inevitable when you lose your significant other that you would feel intense pain such as, depression, anger, lonely, sad, shame, sick, and many more. I have been through all of those stages and I am still going through them.
There are some factors that makes the pain more intense such as contacting with your ex. For instance, if you make any contacts with your ex, you have to expect that you would get hurt if you hear something unpleasant. You have to control the urge to contact with your ex, with his friends, his family and anyone who is close to him. It would make you more depressed and, as a result, to contact wit your ex. Ugh.
My question to you is: why the heck do you call his mom?..Don’t tell me because you love him because I am not going to pay it. Contacting with his mom is an indication of your depression and loss of control. The reason that I am sting this is: I am insanely in love with my ex. I swear to you, I never been in love with someone else like this. I feel so much pain that I can't hundle but I respect my self and my dignity (who the heck is she?) I think about her 24/7 but I don’t call nor do I contact with her. I see her in my school but I act as if I don’t care about her. This, it self, makes her miss me since I am showed her that I can life with or without her. She is doing the same thing and it makes her attractive and desirable person. If my ex comes back and begs me, I would take her back for sure but as the time goes by, I would feel that she is not strong enough and I would feel less and less attraction towards he, as a result.
Your situation is the same. What makes you to miss him? Because he shows you that he doesn’t care about you. He is not contacting with you, right? Therefore, his stubbornness makes him more desirable and attractive person. He may not know this but this is the way it is. The more he shows you he doesn’t care, the more you want him. This is a human nature. If your ex comes back with you crying, begging and pleading, I am sure that you would see him less desirable, as time goes by.
Have that in mind, you need to do a favor for your self. First, you have to control your feelings. Don’t allow your feelings control you. Don’t contact with his mom and himself. Second, if you want to have any chance with him, let him go. I am not saying that there would be chance but what I am saying is: the only way (in my experience) to win your ex back (if they love you) is to let them go and show your strength. Even if you don’t win them back, you would have your dignity and integrity. There is no worst feeling then losing your dignity.
I wish you good luch and happiness.
I am sorry if I am harsh here. I am just trying to help and I believe that only way to heal is to face the reality.
Hugs
John.
Re: Screw It doseyclwn: AMG,
First off, I want to say that i"m sorry for your pain. I am almost 2 months into the separation from a marriage of 7 1/2 years (we've been together for 10 1/2), and ever day is hard. It would be useless for me to tell you to forget him or not to forget him. Your situation is different than mine. I can tell you what I"m doing. I'm walking through the pain.
What I mean by that is that I'm not avoiding it, I'm not trying to make myself feel better, I'm walking right up to it and giving it the middle finger and not slowing down at all. This is very hard. This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and i've been through some rough things. The reason I'm doing this is that if you look at people that go through something traumatic who avoid it or do somethign specifically to make themselves feel better, they still leave those feelings of grief and sorrow to deal with. Whatever the outcome of my situation turns out to be, I will go through it all, and come out the other side stronger, and not leaving anything to deal with.
just my .02
Re: Screw It AMG: I am doing my best to walk through the pain. It is VERY difficult as you all know. It is just so damn depressing!!!!!!!! Thats a mild understatement.
John, I email his mom to kind of say goodbye. We had a friendship and I wanted to thank her for all the things that they have done for me over the years. They had helped me alot. She wants to remain friends. I do to. BUT, I dont know if it is possible. I dont want to know anything about him, and I dont want him to know anything about me. I am very torn about this. I dont think I have any alterior motives.
I havent talked to him in close to a month. I am done with that...although at times it takes everything I have in me not to.
I dont know...all I know is this SUCKS.[size=10pt"> [/size">
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