Dating a Jewish guy Dolphin Close: I'm not Jewish but I like someone who is. I have no clue as to what their beliefs are, what customs/holidays they have, etc. All I know is that he has not been married, is in the mid-30's, very close to the mother but not really "religiously strict" (if that's even the term). But I need your opinions on whether they should only marry/date Jewish girls ??? What do they think about divorced women?
I'd love to learn more about them. Where do i start? (Think Charlotte in SATC)
Re: Dating a Jewish guy freovir: ask him out on a date and go from there... :P ::) :P
Re: Dating a Jewish guy tara: I'm a Jewish woman (not religious), and you'll find many Jewish people are open to dating and marrying outside their faith (it's kind of the same with people of any faith, I think -- some are receptive, some aren't). Orthodox people won't generally marry outside the religion, but some people say up to 50% of Reform Jews marry Gentiles (and many of them bring their partners into the synagogue community -- not as a convert, but as a friend-to-the-congregation).
That Jewish men are close to their mother is a stereotype, and for many, it's true, but it's not usually intrusive. And you'd find out soon whether it was or not (i.e. if he interrupts a date to take a call from his mother -- repeatedly, for non-emergency reasons -- that's a bad sign).
As for divorced women -- Judiasm (all branches, even the most Orthodox) permits divorce and remarriage, and not just for major abuse or adultery. Individuals may have trouble with divorced women, just as individuals of other faiths might, but it's not a cultural issue. Orthodox Jews need a "get" -- a religious divorce -- along with their civil divorce, in order to remarry, but if he's not "religiously strict" it's not going to matter, and as you didn't have a Jewish wedding to begin with (I'm assuming), it wouldn't affect you.
As for holidays? Google will help -- there are a few basics. Keep in mind that Hanukkah isn't as big of a deal as Christmas (even though American marketers want you to think different). The main religious holidays are Rosh Hashannah (Jewish New Year -- celebratory) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement -- a somber 24-hour fast), which occur 10 days apart in the fall (it varies according to the lunar calendar). Passover in the spring (usually, but not always, near Easter) is another holiday with its customs and dietary restrictions.
Most American Reform Jews don't keep kosher, but some do -- if he's strict about it, he won't eat food you cook or go to most restaurants. Many more people keep "kosher style" -- they eschew pork and shellfish, and don't mix meat and milk, but don't mind non-kosher kitchens and they don't check to see how the chicken was slaughtered. I know quite a few kosher-style folks who keep pretty close to strictly kosher at home, but eat vegetarian when they're out -- it saves them the trouble.
This is my long-winded way of saying most Jewish men are like most Gentile men -- that the individual, not the culture or religion, is the biggest influence.
Re: Dating a Jewish guy Dolphin Close: Thanks Tara! Very informative! I appreciate it.
We were watching a movie and his phone was vibrating. RIGHT AFTER the movie ended (dark lights and all), he checked his phone, saw it was mom, excused himself, ran outside and called mom.
I don't think he's kosher. He was eating a lot of meat the last time we went out. Does not wear the black thing on his head on Sundays either.
Re: Dating a Jewish guy tara: The Jewish Sabbath is Saturday, and all men who attend services (Friday night or Saturday) wear the black thing -- a yarmulke (usually pronounced YAH-muh-keh) while they're actually in the sanctuary. (This includes non-Jews who are attending the service, and in some congregations, married women must cover their heads, too, usually with a pinned-on doily. Congregations offer head coverings for people who don't have their own.)
But most American Jewish men don't wear the yarmulke all the time -- the Orthodox and some Conservative Jews do.
If he's eating meat out, he's definitely not keeping strictly kosher. If he never orders dairy with his meat (i.e. a cheeseburger, or a milkshake with a meat dish, or a turkey and swiss), he may keep kosher-style. And some Jews don't keep kosher or kosher-style at all but stay away from pork anyway (oddly, you rarely find someone who eats pork but not shellfish). If you invite him over for food, it's good to ask if he has any dietary restrictions (it's good to ask in any case, if there are allergies or if you build an entire meal around pineapples and he can't stand them).
[quote author=Dolphin Close link=topic=26555.msg254906#msg254906 date=1141928590">
Thanks Tara! Very informative! I appreciate it.
We were watching a movie and his phone was vibrating. RIGHT AFTER the movie ended (dark lights and all), he checked his phone, saw it was mom, excused himself, ran outside and called mom.
I don't think he's kosher. He was eating a lot of meat the last time we went out. Does not wear the black thing on his head on Sundays either.
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