Do you tell a violent man that you're filing for divorce? SayAnything89: hi, all...
any and all replies welcome...
i have been married to a man for 10 1/2 years. there has been physical violence in the past in our relationship (he tried to kill me in a blackout in 1997) and though he hasn't physically abused me of late, he will do something like throw a lamp across the room so it hit the wall above my head, shattering, then admit to me that he liked to see the fear on my face. He is also very controlling (I cannot have friends or go anywhere without him) and emotionally, verbally, and mentally abusive. On January 26, 2006, he threatened my life. (and he has been sober for almost 9 years). I also sincerely believe that he is addicted to pornography.
Lately, he has begun degrading me in front of others (when we're at a store or something---complete strangers!) which he had never done before.
Late February, he made more threats, and I just had enough and I told him that i'm tired of his threats, and just do it and get it over with. I ended up crying for over five hours as I told him how unhappy I am in this relationship. He, of course, told me everything I wanted to hear and I said that I would try to work on things (though I'm not the one with the problem).
Over the past few weeks, I just feel like I have to get out of this to save myself. I am 31 and have no self-esteem, no self-confidence, no friends...
I am terrified to be on my own, but at the same time, I am excited to begin a new life on my own terms.
I have an appointment with a lawyer this coming Wednesday....and I don't want to tell him I'm filing. I know that sounds selfish, but telling him I'm unhappy is a lot different than actually filing the divorce.
I just worry that he will hurt me and I have noone around me to protect me... I don't want to turn his life upside down, I don't wish him any harm...I just can't live like this anymore...
Thanks for reading this...I need all the help I can get!
SayAnything89
Re: Do you tell a violent man that you're filing for divorce? gulfcoast: You might have to file an order of protection
he shows up call 911
Re: Do you tell a violent man that you're filing for divorce? SayAnything89: Thanks GC,
I have gone round and round with myself about a PO...I had one against a guy who was stalking me back in '95 and really, it was nothing more than a piece of paper...when I called the police, he would be gone, and they would tell me "they couldn't prove it was him" and "have a good night". I wonder if PO's are taken more seriously these days?
Boy, can I really pick 'em, huh?
Re: Do you tell a violent man that you're filing for divorce? gulfcoast: You're right, it is only a piece of paper...
a friend here left her boyfriend and after a bit she let him start bringing the kids back to her place to drop them...
he never showed his a$$ till he pulled up one morning and there was another guy there...
was a big fight....beer bottles to guns as weapons...
she filed an order and he has yet to return to her home....
sometimes they take the order serious...
if not then just keep calling the cops
Re: Do you tell a violent man that you're filing for divorce? gulfcoast: Do you have family anywhere?
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