Re: 3 monts ago today... jadedangel: [quote author=barnbum_05 link=topic=26567.msg255641#msg255641 date=1142017039">
Like my dad told me. . . people fall in and out of love all the time.
barnbum
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[color=navy"> Perhaps a great piece of parently advice .... however the thing that bites my a$$ .... is people didn't used to.... Seriously ... let's back us up a century and see ...
ATL ... I know you are in misery .. and for that I am sorry -- I know that not too much helps right now .. but we are here to listen. Hell is an understatement ... but you already know that ;) ....
Hang in there .... [/color">
Re: 3 monts ago today... MikeB: ATLGIRL777, I know the feeling - I myself can't understand how my ex could
just stop being in love with me...
IMO, there are three roads you can take (I must warn you, though. I don't know if my advice is really worth anything)
1. You try not to look back, completely and irrevocably decide for yourself that you will not get him back - and then learn not to want to...
This way you will possibly move on faster, but you will also discard a part of your life and yourself that probably doesn't deserve to be discarded.
2. You keep your love for him, show him how you feel while respecting his wishes and believe that you will be back together, keep yourself motivated that no matter how long it will take - you will get your chance.
This way you will probably impede your healing-process and you will be even more devastated and disappointed if it shouldn't work out, but you also pay due respect to your love for him and the time you were together.
3. You accept that the relationship you had in this marriage is gone... but you don't discard your feelings... You wish for another chance, but focus on yourself and what you can do for yourself. You let him know how you feel.
Hope for the best - prepare for the worst...
Personally, I favour the third way, but I'm drifting between 2nd and 3rd - for the most part I am on the 2nd. I know it may not be good for me, but personally, I think this way is the only one I can do justice to what we've had - so at least one of us does.
Nevertheless, I recommend the 3rd way, although if the worst case scenario should eventuate, you'd probably be better of with the first one.
-Just my 2p
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[quote author=JadedAngel link=topic=26567.msg255772#msg255772 date=1142035602">
people didn't used to.... Seriously ... let's back us up a century and see ...
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Hey Jaded - interesting thought...
However, I think you're only half right. I think a century ago (and I'd say even until the 1950s) family(marriage) was much more important - your social status, the well-being of your relatives (parents, children) depended very much on it. For women, the husband's income was indispensable. Men couldn't afford to lose their social status.
Also, I think, peolple took marriage-vows more seriously... and people were not as easily dissatisfied...
We're living in the age of egomania
Nowadays it seems many relationships/marriages break up because people are too impatient and too easily discontented... when they find some faults in their parter - they leave... not everyone, of course.
See, my cousin for example... he and his girlfirend broke up 3 years ago... beacause they were dissatisfied, although they've had many a wonderful time together. November last year - they met again and realized that although not everything was perfect when they were first together... they gave each other the most wonderful time. They're together again - and happy... They've learned to be less impatient, picky and argumentative...
Re: 3 monts ago today... hudson: [quote author=MikeB link=topic=26567.msg255799#msg255799 date=1142040263">
We're living in the age of egomania
Nowadays it seems many relationships/marriages break up because people are too impatient and too easily discontented... when they find some faults in their parter - they leave... not everyone, of course.
[/quote">
Bingo! And more than egomania, people have adopted some seriously unrealistic ideals and expectations. People think they should have the storybook relationship and when it doesn't happen, when they actually find that any real relationship that's worth a d@mn requires sacrifice and hard work, they throw in the towel and chalk it up to "i married the wrong person cause it shouldn't be this hard".
Re: 3 monts ago today... MikeB: [quote author=blazin'heart link=topic=26567.msg255810#msg255810 date=1142043100">
[quote author=MikeB link=topic=26567.msg255799#msg255799 date=1142040263">
We're living in the age of egomania
Nowadays it seems many relationships/marriages break up because people are too impatient and too easily discontented... when they find some faults in their parter - they leave... not everyone, of course.
[/quote">
Bingo! And more than egomania, people have adopted some seriously unrealistic ideals and expectations. People think they should have the storybook relationship and when it doesn't happen, when they actually find that any real relationship that's worth a d@mn requires sacrifice and hard work, they throw in the towel and chalk it up to "i married the wrong person cause it shouldn't be this hard".
[/quote">
Exactly!
Well, at least we know better...
(I hope for the same happy ending as my cousin had...)
Problem is, you cannot know whether the person you're with shares this insight until it would be needed...
Re: 3 monts ago today... sadgirlwhyme: altgirl,
My ex does the same thing to me. He always tells me he loves me, and that we will probably get back together then doesnt come home or call for days at a time. He is also living in up having fun. He also has another girlfriend. If he is so happy, I wonder why he always tells me he loves me and misses me and wants to be intimate with me?
I dont understand breakups or guys so I give up. Good Luck to you.
