Re: My Sons a Pathological Lier What Do I Do? Horseface: I understand completely with your situation. My son was exactly the same way.
For those of you responding that the solution is church - well, I just hope you do not have such a problem to deal with.
We were in church and it did nothing to help. Do not assume that you can respond with it was the wrong kind of church or anything so presumptious. You have no idea what you are talking about.
My son did the same thing and the only thing you can do is set limits and enforce them EVERY time. My son would take a can of green paint to one wall of the garage and then he would get in trouble for it. Tomorrow, he would take the same can of green paint to a different wall and then be mad at us because we only talked to him about the wall he painted the day before. How could we be mad at him because we had never told him he could not paint THIS wall?? If the thought it - he did it. Plain and simple. My stbxw and I were consistent with the discipline and you just have to stay at it.
At one point though, he was stealing so much from us that we stripped his room of EVERYTHING but a mattress on the floor. Took the bed, the dressor, the radio, the stereo, the alarm clock, the books the DOOR - everything and he had to earn them back. It took 6 months before he got his door back.
So sorry for your troubles. Its hard hard hard. Now my son is 19 and decided that he didn't wany anyone else telling him what to do and so now he is in the infantry in Korea. Amazing. This just shows that he was craving structure and someone to control him but he is going to fight you every step of the way.
We did find a child counselor that helped somewhat and my son really like him. That is not a bad a suggestion. Plus, it will give you someone to talk to about YOUR frustrations. Stick it out. Be consistent and some day, he WILL thank you for it. My son has told us he has no idea why we didnt' kill him... He has no idea how close we came!!!
Hang in there.
Re: My Sons a Pathological Lier What Do I Do? Freckles: [quote author=Horseface link=topic=26581.msg260938#msg260938 date=1143059436">
I understand completely with your situation. My son was exactly the same way.
For those of you responding that the solution is church - well, I just hope you do not have such a problem to deal with.
We were in church and it did nothing to help. Do not assume that you can respond with it was the wrong kind of church or anything so presumptious. You have no idea what you are talking about.
My son did the same thing and the only thing you can do is set limits and enforce them EVERY time. My son would take a can of green paint to one wall of the garage and then he would get in trouble for it. Tomorrow, he would take the same can of green paint to a different wall and then be mad at us because we only talked to him about the wall he painted the day before. How could we be mad at him because we had never told him he could not paint THIS wall?? If the thought it - he did it. Plain and simple. My stbxw and I were consistent with the discipline and you just have to stay at it.
At one point though, he was stealing so much from us that we stripped his room of EVERYTHING but a mattress on the floor. Took the bed, the dressor, the radio, the stereo, the alarm clock, the books the DOOR - everything and he had to earn them back. It took 6 months before he got his door back.
So sorry for your troubles. Its hard hard hard. Now my son is 19 and decided that he didn't wany anyone else telling him what to do and so now he is in the infantry in Korea. Amazing. This just shows that he was craving structure and someone to control him but he is going to fight you every step of the way.
We did find a child counselor that helped somewhat and my son really like him. That is not a bad a suggestion. Plus, it will give you someone to talk to about YOUR frustrations. Stick it out. Be consistent and some day, he WILL thank you for it. My son has told us he has no idea why we didnt' kill him... He has no idea how close we came!!!
Hang in there.
[/quote">
I am Glad your Son is doing good.
I think Church helped me, but everyone is diffrent.
You have to *Bend like the Willow Tree*
OR *You will Break like the Oak *
(Hey look I made a saying !
:)
Re: My Sons a Pathological Lier What Do I Do? TrueBlue: My elder son has had big problems since he was very small and I think the right answer lies in what everyone else has said. Yes, I take him to church, but I think the key is teaching right from wrong and a reason for it - which you probably already do, making sure that the other kids that he hangs out with have similar values, consistent parenting, and therapy. My son (14) still has some issues, but he is much better. I don't think there is any one perfect answer for a problem like this. I think that the best solution is a multi-faceted solution.
Re: My Sons a Pathological Lier What Do I Do? jillieb44: First off, he's your son, not a pathological liar.
Second off, he's crying out for help and attention. I'd personally spend LOTS of time with him and slowly feel out what he's feeling and address the issue.
Laying a lot of blame, morality, church, lying is bad, etc, is NOT going to work. Finding and addressing the underlying issue will. It will also help you create a better relationship with your son.
Stop thinking of him as a problem to be fixed than as the sensitive, hurting, child and human being that he is. Stop the world spinning and help him!!
Jillie
Re: My Sons a Pathological Lier What Do I Do? pokedbear: I'm dealing with similiar circumstance with 1 stepson and 1 step daughter (the fact that the mom does the same thing doesn't help). But anyway, I'm in a unique or unhealthy situation of being a step mom who has already been raising a child for 18 years and still going.
I mention the 18 year old so you understand that the job never ends, it just changes. Persistance and consistancy has been the answer with my daughter and my step son. My step daughter is proving to be a little tougher. But once you find something that seems to have struck a nerve with your son...STICK TO IT NO MATTER WHAT. Don't let tantrums stand in your way and don't allow him to play head games like "daddy or mommy is nicer than you".
My husband and I tried to involve the ex and every time we got nasty feedback so we gave up with her. That means the kids only see consistency every other weekend and we have a major deprogramming during the summer when we have them for 10 weeks straight.
We have made ourselves a fixture in their schools and we question everything. It took over a year to see any improvement with my step son but once the improvement started showing it affected everything in a good way.
My step kids don't have any "disorders" that we've been made aware of so I'm sure toughing it out is far worse for you but consistancy and perserverance are the only things I can come up with.
We are still working with our step daughter and hope to see some improvement before she goes to college or gets married.
Good luck!
