hurt again!! someone please talk to me!! mle: synopsis, me and my husband split last jan, divorce was finalized in aug, meanwhile he met someone and they moved in together in late april, and started "dating" in june....
the last two months we've been spending time together and talking about getting back together, things weren't working with this girl, but I felt his feelings were genuine with me too.
He was trying to break up with her without just throwing her on the street, but didnt want it anymore... well she had enough and moved out tuesday night.... he has never been rejected before, and is having a hard time coping.... and is right now talking to her about it....
he never confessed to hurting over our breakup (now he says it was one of the hardest decisions of his life) but at the time he surpressed any hurt or pain and wouldn't talk to me at all about it.
now he's on the phone with her trying to see if they can work it out....
when he was going to dump her.... what the hell!
and I am left feeling used and broken yet again.
The time we've been spending together made me so happy... for 14 months I've been miserable without him... and I knew he still cared and I can accept that he dated her, and that it took divorce and all to realize he still had feelings....
I can cope with him needing time to deal with his breakup with her
what I can't deal with is him feeling crushed that the girl he was going to dump - he wants to see if he can work it out with her....
(the thing is she packed all her stuff and left tues night... after planning it for a week - and denying it to him when he did ask her) and told him she wants to work on it, but can't live with him right now... and his whole thing is having trust issues with her, and he cant trust her if she's not living there and off doing god knows what
Then there's the fact she accused him of sleeping with me on the days we've been spending together - with OUR children. we haven't but he's also never going to tell her about the conversations and feelings we have been sharing.
I think it's likely A - his repressed feelings from our divorce are being brought out in this breakup
and B - since shes the first person to ever dump him since he was a kid, its partly the classic (want what you can't have).
they've been on the phone for over 2 hours now (guessing they still are because he's not answering...) that can't be a good sign for me.
If he stays with her... what am I supposed to think of the last two months...?? I was finally happy and now I am feeling worse than ever...
Re: hurt again!! sosad05: Sorry to hear your going through ths. I cant imagine the pain and disappointment. But, it sounds like he cant make up his mind. His indecisiveness is at your emotional expense.
[quote"> I think it's likely A - his repressed feelings from our divorce are being brought out in this breakup
[/quote">
I agree with this. I read somewhere that those who jump right into a rebound relationship sometimes take a harder fall when that one ends that the orginal relationship. Why? Because they never allowed themself to grieve over the first one.
I dont have good words of advice. My personal opinion would be to be done with him. I would be upset with him and tell him you were playing his games. But, I know that's alot easier said than done.
Good luck with your decision.
Re: hurt again!! mle: Ha! I tried to tell him that when we started hanging out... and it evolved, he admited it wasnt just becuase of the kids... we'd go out and hold hands, we didn't make plans but have made passing comments about moving together in the summer if things worked - right now we live 40 min apart.
The weekend is coming too.. the weekends kill me because he takes the kids fri-sun and i am home alone all weeked.... last friday when he left i started crying, and he says "you waited this long..just a little longer".....
and now this...
even though he told her if she moved out it was over - and she moved out...but
*********He called her first, today*******.
now she called him back after work (going on 3 hours- he hasn't called me yet...)
Re: hurt again!! mle: HELP MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just talked to him- and She's there... .... he says they didnt have sex together but he fell asleep and she's there maybe sleeping....
He couldnt even call me to tell me she was on the way.... :(
I can't do this anymore.... no i am not suicidal but I cannot live this life anymore......and I can't stop loving him...
I cant say I should be happy for him because he wasn't even happy with her......
Re: hurt again!! newts: So confused,
I am sorry you are going through this, I have been here before too... What I have come to realise is that this type of person is not good for us (I know it's hard because you loved him) He is trying to work it out with her because he still hasn't accepted his past mistakes and problems he had with you and your relationship and therefore it makes it harder to accept that it is happening to him all over again - without him doing anything to improve himself by just accepting that it's over and spending time with himself to work on his issues.
When you have lived with someone it is very hard to just let go immediately - you want to make sure it really is over and not just another mistake made by you. I would give him all the time and space he needs. You don't want to be his fall back girl, if you immediately started your relationship all over again without him working on his problems, you will be back to square one - alone and miserable.
I would actually let him go, however, I don't have kids with the man so it's easy for me to say.
Be patient, give him space, time and the alone time he needs to sort out his problems.
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