Is There Any Point in Staying On? lavendergrrl: I wrote my story under "I need another Perspective". This is the continuation of the story.
We are still together - physically staying in the same house, sharing a few rides to work, and sharing a few meals in the evenings.
But that's about all we are sharing. We do not talk to each other much, if at all. He does his own stuff, and I do mine. When he messages me, it is just a short curt message to tell me he will be late and for me to go on home first. We are almost like strangers to each other.
We used to message each other throughout the day, sharing our day and jokes and nice thoughts. We used to share our day during meal times. We used to share lots of time together doing stuff, even reading to each other.
But it seems that even though we are back together, he does not want to try anymore. Admittedly, I am also just "playing along" with him - doing exactly what he does.
But I am really tired of this, and I am very disturbed by it.
The thing is this - I believe in us. He does not - when he is angry. As I mentioned before, small fights blow up into major ones and he puts down everything I have done, especially the good stuff. For instance, I used to cook, wash up, do the grocery shopping, take care of the household needs, etc. apart from having a full time job like he does. He accused me of mothering him when we had our recent fight. These were things I did because he hardly did them, and because I cared. I have since stopped doing most of those things because firstly, what is the point? Secondly, the truth is no one in their right minds would want to do all that work if they did not have to, and especially if it is not only unappreciated, but gets dumped on time and time again!
We have only been together for a year - and we had a rough time because over small issues that blow up over nothing. He says we are a mismatch, amongst a load of other very nasty things. I feel that we just need time to adjust to each other, and to look at ourselves instead of trying to fix the other person all the time.
I am finding it very hard to leave this relationship, even though I know it is his preference to call it off.
I just do not know what to do.
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? MadorSad: What do you want ?
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? lavendergrrl: I want to work this out. The problem is that he feels as if I forced him back into the relationship. And he wants this relationship totally on his terms this time - he says that there are many things he resents about this relationship - but these were things that he was all right with when things were good, and blows up into big negative deals when he is upset. He is erratic and not very stable - even I can see that.
But the emotional attachment is not as easy to detach from even though I can see that his instability is one of the major causes of our problems - which he of course does not see.
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? MadorSad: Do you think given some time he will see this
[quote author=lavendergrrl link=topic=26595.msg255437#msg255437 date=1141984129">
But the emotional attachment is not as easy to detach from even though I can see that his instability is one of the major causes of our problems - which he of course does not see.
[/quote">
And I'll ask you a question do you know or has is said what he thinks you did bad in the relasionship ?
You will have to forgive me I did not read your other post so my questions are just from this on OK :)
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? lavendergrrl: He says I do not give him the freedom he wants. His freedom is to be able to see other women one on one on evenings and weekends. He says that these are business meetings - in his line, he has patients, not required for business meetings. I did ask him to elaborate what he meant by business meetings - his answer then was to know how they run their business as well as personal chat.
We had plans to set up a business together - so I asked him why he is not inviting me if that is the case. His answer was that he just wanted to go on his own. I do not know who these people are.
He also wants to keep in contact with his ex. He agreed before not to because I requested it. Let me explain why - he always talked about how his ex wanted him back; and he always compared his ex to me when we had fights, telling me how great she was (and reverting to how he broke up with her 5x, and that she was not the person she wanted to marry when he was not angry and having a fight with me).
I explained to him that after all that he had said, it was a sensitive issue for me.
Many months back, he told me that he had told his ex to contact him at the office on professional matters only because he was in a very serious relationship with me. Late last year, he wrote an email to his ex after we had a big fight. When we made up, he agreed not to be in contact with her anymore. Last week, he told me that he called his ex after receiving an sms from her, the morning after we had a fight.
To me, he violated my trust in him after he said he would not contact her. Secondly, why did his ex message him after all this time if he had not given her the impression that it was ok to be back in contact - even after he told me he was not going to be in contact with her.
Apart from what I am bad at - I am not submissive enough. According to him, women should not talk back because they are supposed to be gentler creatures. And I get the impression that they are supposed to take more s**t from men than the other way round, and yet remain smiling and nice.
There are probably loads of other things that he thinks I am bad at.
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