Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? stanker: Your first post in this thread sounded exactly like my ex. And your current situation of going through the motions sounds very much like mine at the moment. It is quite disturbing and has created much more doubt in my mind about reconciliation.
But your followup posts sound very troubling. I admit I didn't read your first post, so please tell me, was there cheating involved? Why the breakup in the first place?
Your posts paint a very bad picture of a controlling man with not much confidence. But I say this without knowing the full story. Did something you do cause the breakup in the first place?
What is it that you want from a relationship? Are you or do you see yourself getting that in the future from him?
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? lavendergrrl: Stanker: you are not the first person who said he sounds like a controlling man with not much confidence. This has been said by several different people, male and female, on this website, as well as my personal friends, based just on my descriptions of events.
You may be shocked to know that we have broken up more than 20x in the past year - from minor irritations and issues that get blown up way out of proportion. There was no cheating involved, I am quite sure of that. But I am pretty sure that there were lies involved in his actions and the part he played in certain events. I do know that he lies about what he said and does in order to make himself look good and right. And I know that he will never, at the point of death, admit to his lies - even though his lies were so glaring. Instead, he has always turn things around that made me look like the one who started the fights, the one who does not trust him.
Would you trust someone who with every fight taunts you with remarks that are obviously out to hurt - and these remarks have revolved around threats to have affairs, to go back to his ex, and even telling me that he was very tempted to bed another woman when we had the last fight, etc. He started doing this about 4 to 6 months into our relationship - and then accused me since then that I never trusted him where women were concerned. He also has a habit of staring at women right in my presence. Yes I know all men look, then again so do women! But how do you like it if your other half stared at someone to the point of losing concentration in mid sentence, standing there stock still for several seconds, and even eyeing someone up and down whilst holding my hand, etc. Happened almost every single time we went out. Oh yes, and ogled at a woman's butt whilst in yoga class.
I don't know - am I the one with the mental problem here, or is this a normal thing for most men? He claims that he told some counsellor about my reactions to his ogling, and was told that the counsellor told him it was MY problem, not the man's problem. Bravo.
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? stanker: B.S. This is about respect. Men do look, but a man with class would respect the woman he is with. This fellow seems quite insecure. If you're not happy with things, you need to lay it out for him. If the behavior you despise continues even after expressing your displeasure, I'd end it. It's not healthy and certainly not a good foundation for long-term happiness. Good luck.
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? lavendergrrl: I have told him many times, in many different ways, that it is about respect - for me - not to do what he does, especially when he is with me. His reply is that I am creating limitations on his freedom and stopping him from being a man!
And he has also said that my being upset about it reflects my lack of security about myself. He says that he does not have a security issue, and hence he does not care if I stare at men in his presence.
Thanks for your forthright views - I am certainly very exhausted trying to keep up with his wants and his needs and his views and his way...his his his all the time. And I am totally confused by his erratic behaviour of feeling fine with one thing today, and going ballistic over it another day. And to top it all, he has told me that I have not figured him out yet because he has not been himself, who he really is, in the more than one year that he has been with me.
Tell me - does this sound like a psycho movie?
Re: Is There Any Point in Staying On? stanker: [quote author=lavendergrrl link=topic=26595.msg256848#msg256848 date=1142314613">
I have told him many times, in many different ways, that it is about respect - for me - not to do what he does, especially when he is with me. His reply is that I am creating limitations on his freedom and stopping him from being a man!
And he has also said that my being upset about it reflects my lack of security about myself. He says that he does not have a security issue, and hence he does not care if I stare at men in his presence.
Thanks for your forthright views - I am certainly very exhausted trying to keep up with his wants and his needs and his views and his way...his his his all the time. And I am totally confused by his erratic behaviour of feeling fine with one thing today, and going ballistic over it another day. And to top it all, he has told me that I have not figured him out yet because he has not been himself, who he really is, in the more than one year that he has been with me.
Tell me - does this sound like a psycho movie?
[/quote">
Yes, it very much sounds like he is playing games with you. Continuing to disrepect you and then challenging you to do the same to him to prove that it's your problem is just a mind f*ck. This guy is into control and it stems from insecurity. Plain and simple. If you're in the way of his "freedom", then make it really simple for him and leave.
Click More for the next page.
