Re: Pride or doubt? stanker: [quote author=SayAnything89 link=topic=26601.msg255515#msg255515 date=1142002529">
but that's my opinion...you have to follow your gut and your heart...
[/quote">
That's a problem. My gut and heart are telling me two different things. My heart says she's the one, my gut says staying with her defies all logic.
Logic says she could not possibly love me (or be in love with me) given the things she has done...but she says she does. Logic makes me wonder if I can believe someone who lied to me for so long. Logic says a woman who cheated on the day I proposed does not want to be with me. Logic says by staying together, I'm trading my pride, self-esteem, and dignity for love.
Re: Pride or doubt? chaotic: I hate the logic vs. heart thing. I am struggling over my pending divorce right now. My heart says I want my wife back even after she left me for the man she slept with. My gut tells me no way. My head has just stepped out of the picture completely. I normally see things so logically. I cant understnad what is going on in my life.
I can say that you need to look deep inside yourself and decide if she truly is the one. If she is AND you believe that she made a mistake she will never make again, I say try and stay with her. If there is doubt, it may not be your pride that is making you doubt, it may be your better sense.
Just my thoughts. I know they are not the best.
Re: Pride or doubt? newts: Hi Stanker,
are you trading my pride, self-esteem, and dignity for love, no my friend you have just sold your soul to the devil.
Me, myself have never been cheated on, however, I have seen this first hand on many occassions and everyone I have seen go through this has gotten back together with there partners only to end the relationship due to trust issues.
I believe that there are people out there who can make a relationship work after one partner has cheated, however, it takes two very special, committed people to get over such a betrayal.
I think once you lose your trust in your significant other you also lose the respect you once had for them - with lack of respect comes lack of a good strong healthy relationship.
Just a question... you said you want to marry this woman? Do you want to be constantly reminded everyday, when you wake when you go to sleep, that this woman decided that she would screw someone else - shared somebody else's bed and yet she has the guts to tell you she loves you. Her being in your life everyday is just a daily reminder of the mistakes that she has made.
Just my opinion - I could never trust someone again if they cheated on me.
Re: Pride or doubt? rjack0612: I guess, luckily, my wife does not want to try and get back together and work things out.
However, while on my own, I came to the decision that IF we did try, I would be miserable. Everytime she was late or I was away on business I would think she is with the OM again. That's not fair to me.
Suppose, this was just a mistake on her part and one time fling that would never be done again. For the rest of her life she was faithful. The fact that I would have suspision in the back of my mind is not fair to HER.
On her end, I assume, whenever I was away or out late, etc... she might wonder is this the night he evens the score? That is just conjecture on my part but I could see how that could happen.
I think once the trust is gone it's gone. Sad, really sad.
Re: Pride or doubt? thereishope: Hi stanker,
Well it looks like you are in deep chit. I been there, experienced it. You are going to read a lot of stuff here and most of it can be of help the rest well let’s just say the pain is to fresh for them to really be of help.
Let’s see if we can in time turn this chit to fertilizer and grow from it. I know the whys and the anguish of doubt and mistrust that pours over your soul. It is a hard place.
Truth is, what is going to happen is up to you and your ability to overcome this mountain. Every mountain that has been said could not be climbed has been climbed. If you say you can you can with determination, persistence, and redirected imagination, it can be done. You know what the two determination and persistence mean but redirected imagination may be in a fog to you. Let me see if I can clear this up for you.
Your imagination is running amuck right now. All you can see in your minds eye is her sleeping with another man. All you can envision is that she did it once she will do it again. Her presents around you is like the odor of a skunk. You cannot live with it so you are faced with removing it as the only answer. The truth is the odor can be remove it just takes the right stuff and lots of determination and effort.
The battlefield is in the mind my friend. What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. So if you focus on the bad, bad will come up over and over again and give you nothing to work with to resolving the issues that haunt you. On the other hand if you retrain the mind to finding the good and working to enlarge that good, then good things will come of it.
She betrayed you that is a fact so you say. Tell me if she has come back and wants to make this work and you have agreed to trying are you not now betraying her in your thinking? Remember now before you answer, every one is one thought away from betrayal at some point of time. It was her thoughts that lead her to another bed. It is your thoughts that keep her in that bed after she confessed, asked for forgiveness and tries to get past the mistake. Yes she made a mistake a horrible mistake. So much so that she has ripped the veil of marriage.
Your un-checked thoughts and pride are the means by which will drive the death nail into this marriage. Pride brings us all to a fall at some point in time if not relinquished. Holy than thou or self-righteousness is a wonderful tool to increase the speed of a relationships death as well.
You say there is a battle going on between your heart and gut. Your heart tells you she is the one and your gut tells you staying with her defies all logic. How funny. It is illogical to fall in love and be anchored to someone else, to be responsible to some one other than your self. It is illogical to marry with the divorce rate at 50%+. It’s illogical to have to give up so much just to be with some one else for life. I could go on here but you get the idea. Logic, love and marriage are not bedfellows are they? Even a bubble bee defies logic so do most discoveries.
Continuted
Click More for the next page.
