Re: Disgusted and Venting pluscachange: [quote author=burningbird link=topic=27002.msg260729#msg260729 date=1143035792">
I am so disgusted with the human being. What is the motivation for cheating?? Selfishness, the justification that you deserve to be happy, acting out with another human being because it feels good to you.
What the *uck!@! You were married. What did that mean to you?
Tip 1: Get out of your relationship before you start a new one. Fling or not.
Tip 2: Stop and Think with your brain!
Tip 3: If your unhappy, get some help!!
Tip 4: Then go *uck yourself.
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Great. Now if we can apply it to spouses that withold sex in the relationship for non-medical reasons (assuming the spouse they're withholding it from isn't being an ass) then I'm on board with this.
Re: Disgusted and Venting sheeps: My understanding, gained, at some expense, through counseling, is that affairs are not about sex. They are most likely attributable to a weakness in the character of the cheater. Something they lack, or feel they lack, is in fact provided throught the affair. It is not a sexual desire you don't meet, or even an emotional need you don't meet. It is something they find lacking in themselves.
I undertstand that most partners in affairs enjoyed the sex less than in the marriage.
Randy
Re: Disgusted and Venting treeluva:
Randy[quote author=sheeps link=topic=27002.msg261519#msg261519 date=1143181327">
My understanding, gained, at some expense, through counseling, is that affairs are not about sex. They are most likely attributable to a weakness in the character of the cheater. Something they lack, or feel they lack, is in fact provided throught the affair. It is not a sexual desire you don't meet, or even an emotional need you don't meet. It is something they find lacking in themselves.
I undertstand that most partners in affairs enjoyed the sex less than in the marriage.
Randy
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This is, for the most part, true. Sure, you have just sex addicts out there, but for the most part, the affairs start as something more innocent, and sex just becomes part of the overall relationship. I suggest people read the Book, His needs, Her needs, it explains a lot. I was given the book by my Chaplain.
It is easier for most people to just look at the sex, and feel completely, for a lack of a better word, angry.
Cheating on your spouse sexually is never ok, it is never right, but the person being cheated on very rarely every looks at themselves and their relationship, and figure out what went wrong that drove the other person to someone in the first place. Sometimes it is as simple as just needing someone to talk to. The person becomes another addiction.
The reason some of these "cheaters" try to hold onto their marriages, even after it is "over" is because they never TRULY wanted to be divorced. If they had wanted to be divorced, they would have filed, and completed the process before they started a new relationship. To them, they have their spouse, who fulfills certain needs, and the other person, who fulfills other needs.
Again, it is never right to cheat on your spouse, and these people should have talked to their spouses about their issues. I am not saying that they have a get out of jail free card.
But you have to look at the total situation, not just one snapshot of the total picture. Most people who end up cheating have been unhappy for a long time before they start an affair.
And that doesnt mean that you are a bad person, or really did anything wrong. I am not saying that either. People just have needs, and sometimes, you just dont know what they are, or you are unable to fulfill them.
