"Snooping" made me think Zipsfb: I was reading the other topic "snooping" and began to get curious if ya'll think snooping is right or wrong. I'll explain why I am curious.
In december my X and I were still together but not officially together. It was very unhealthy, I thought she cheated before our break up and she denied it, so needless to say I was paranoid and it probably was annoying for her. We hung out like we were dating, but I knew it would be shortlived, since the first breakup we had broken up several times.
ANYWAYS... one night I was at her place and she left to go to a business dinner, I was left alone so I could get some work done. I fought and fought the urge to snoop but finally gave in and search her computer for my name. I found a email she sent to another man and an attachment which was a short story about her affair. She talked about how our love faded while I was away (I was gone for 7 weeks), and how she met someone new and "slipped up" but said it was wonderful.
When I was reading it my worst fear was realized. I wanted to throw up but couldn't stop. So I kept looking. There I found emails she sent talking about me pretty poorly, and telling people things which were "secrets" between her and I. I forced myself to stop.
Later I told her what I had done, and calmly ask her for an explaination but was very apologetic (spl?) about my manipulation.
I felt horrible, and saw my behavior as VERY manipulative. I wanted to know what you thought about it... I would never do it again. One: for the way it made me feel during and after, and Two: it was a breach of trust.
thoughts?
Re: "Snooping" made me think 2be: What I think about it? It's wrong. But perfectly normal to feel that urge to snoop. Your story sounds similar to mine. In late October I began to suspect my wife was cheating on me with one of our mutual friends. When asked, she denied it. Smoke signs got thicker. She left her computer on and I found emails confirming.
I kept them in my own email... I still read them when I feel my resolve waivering.
She cheated on me once before and came to me admitting it... so that little voice was ALWAYS in the back of my head. But in general... No, I don't think snooping is a good idea. It screams no trust and respect. Did I trust and respect my wife? Not at the end. I lost a great deal of it after the first time she "slipped up." Did I have good reason to not trust and respect? Absoultely. What I did was wrong and I will never do it again, but I don't feel bad about doing it. ONce I confirmed, I didnt continue to look. I had my answer and that is all I needed.
Re: "Snooping" made me think BambiC: I think snooping is okay if you have a reason to snoop. I don't think it's good as just a general habit but if you have real suspicions to think that the person you are with is cheating then go ahead. The thing is, you found exactly what you thought you would. The greater breach of trust IMHO and the more important one was her cheating on you! You were looking out for yourself and your own emotions when you finally snooped.
Think about it this way, you could look at it as a form of self defense...if you're still sleeping together and she's cheating she could potentially be putting your life at risk.
Just my two cents.
BambiC
Re: "Snooping" made me think sheydp: Here is what I posted on the other thread... Because I am NOT in favor of snooping - although I have done it - to my detriment.. and often found worse than I expected...
You might as well straight out accuse, if you do. Snooping is saying not only do I not trust you here, I don't even trust you to tell me the truth. It can also turn up results you may interpret one way, when the intent was another. For example, someone's number might show up on the recently called list, but it may have been them calling to say stop stalking me - I am not going to answer, and 50 calls in one day is ridiculous! If you didn't know what the call was about, seeing that number in the call list might make you assume they are calling the person romantically.
The only way to get a clearer picture is through open communication. Yes, you may not get the whole picture... but if they tell you one thing and the truth is revealed as another - you will get it then. If they refuse to talk, then you openly tell them that you will end up checking up on them... If they don't communicate, you still can.
Shey
Re: "Snooping" made me think alonewith2: I never felt the urge to snoop until AFTER I found out about the OW. I had my suspicions for 3 months, but never once felt the need to snoop. However, after I caught him with the OW, he still refused to admit that he had cheated on me. So I did start to feel the need to snoop...which I gave into. I found all sorts of things I wish I never had.
Not only did I feel wrong and guilty, but I will never be able to erase the things in my head that I know now.
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