Anyone living with an abusive addict? SayAnything89: Hi, all...
I had posted this on the vent-o-board....but removed it because I received no replies.
I'm wondering if any of you know what it's like to live with an abusive addict...what it's like to feel dead inside...with no self-worth...because of your abuser.
I am feeling really low today and am counting the days til i leave this jacka$$ on 4/11/06.
20 days left....
But then how do I heal and be the person I once was 10 1/2 years ago before I married him?
Why have I been so blind, so willing to believe his lies and manipulation? Why have I stayed and allowed him to treat me however he pleases?
Any thoughts?
SA
Re: Anyone living with an abusive addict? Topaz: Hi sa89 -
First of all, congratulations for taking action. It must not have been easy.
[quote author=SayAnything89 link=topic=27013.msg260838#msg260838 date=1143047250">
But then how do I heal and be the person I once was 10 1/2 years ago before I married him?
Why have I been so blind, so willing to believe his lies and manipulation? Why have I stayed and allowed him to treat me however he pleases?
[/quote">
I think the answers to those questions will come in time as a consequence of you moving forward. It seems to me that you might exercise caution in posing those kinds of questions to yourself now, because they have the potential to bring you down.
I hope life shows you lots of good things.
Re: Anyone living with an abusive addict? Pepper: Hi SA,
You already know that I lived with an abusive man for 10 years.
The reason we stay, I'm still not really sure of. I think it's that they break you down so far that you think you don't deserve to be treated better. They take away your self esteem, and your sence of self. They take away everything that you really care about. Then they take away your courage. I was very scared to leave. I thought I would never make it on my own. Day by day, the fear lessons and you realize you should have left years ago.
We believe what they say because we do truely do love them and want them to change. They promise us that things will get better. But it only gets worse.
My best advice to you is to go to councelling. I started going once a week to a group session and it has helped me a lot so far. I realized that I'm not alone. There are lots of other people out there that have gone through the same thing. I have been going for 2 months and I still have just started to heal. I'm having a hard time believing that I am good enough and that everything is not my fault. The hardest part is learning to be strong and stand up for yourself.
Hang in there sweetie,
I'll be praying for you,
Pepper
Re: Anyone living with an abusive addict? SayAnything89: Hi, Topaz and Pepper...
Thanks for the wisdom you have both shared with me...
I feel so alone today...
He has "popped" home twice so far today for no apparent reason (part of his control, I think)....he calls me constantly on the cell.....
I am so sick of this!
Pepper, your post really hit home for me in that I could've written everything you said...it gave me goosebumps.
Hugs to you both....
SA
Re: Anyone living with an abusive addict? Lumpy: [quote author=SayAnything89 link=topic=27013.msg260845#msg260845 date=1143049287">
He has "popped" home twice so far today for no apparent reason (part of his control, I think)....he calls me constantly on the cell.....
[/quote">
Does he know about the 4/11 deadline. If so, be really careful. I'd have to imagine that things will escalate as that date approaches.
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