Re: When to tell your date that you have kids? tara: I say kids need to come out, first date at the latest.
Why?
Because people discuss things of importance to them on first dates. By the end of a first date, I know some or all of where you work, whether you like what you do, whether you like football or baseball or none of that, where you went on your last vacation, whether you golf or birdwatch or LARP or what, what kind of music you like. I might know where (or if) you went to school, where you stand politically, and whether you take your coffee black or frou-frou or not at all. (Not that all of these things are necessary, or even desired, first-date topics -- but they do tend to come up.)
Are all of these things more important than the child(ren) in your life? If you talked about all of these things but didn't mention your children, I'd (rightly or wrongly) assume that these other things are more important than your kids.
Then again -- I don't find all discussion of past relationships taboo, even for a first date. Granted, I don't want to hear about your evil ex ad nauseum, but simply acknowledging that you're divorced and even mentioning whether you're amicable with your ex isn't off-limits.
I suppose it's different if you have grown children, who are out of the house. (I'm only 30, so the likelihood I'd be dating someone with a grown child isn't too great for now.)
But, in general, I'd be pretty put off if I was seeing someone and three dates into it, he told me he had kids.
Re: When to tell your date that you have kids? wendieann: Well, I would tell her. If she leaves because of the fact you have kids, then goodbye to her... :P
Same with women too. ;)
Gee, my STBXH left a 6 week old and a 1.5 yr old, and the OW, didn't queston him! ::)
I tell people, even if I am afraid. 4 kids, and a foster child is ALOT for some people! :o
Re: When to tell your date that you have kids? timer: Frankly, I don't begin to relax on the first date UNTIL i've told the woman that I have four kids. How the woman reacts is the touchstone by which I judge whether I'll want to see her again. Sure, I've seen the wide eyed "oh my gosh look" plenty of times but none have run screaming out of the restaurant or clammed up the rest of the date. That said, it's more difficult dislcosing this fact to never married women without kids, particularly the 30 and under set, because you know dating divorced guys with kids are not in their frame of reference. For a while, I resented that I would probably never attract, long term at least, a thirty and under, never married, without kids, woman but I've found plenty of divorced woman with kids who are great.
Re: When to tell your date that you have kids? Kitty: When I go out with a new person.. I work my child into the conversation.. saying I did "........." with him today.... then they ask who that is.. and I just say it.. I am open and honest and my son is a big part of my life... so if that scares them away.. I don't need to date them anyway!
Re: When to tell your date that you have kids? WhiskeyGirl: [quote author=JB45 link=topic=27020.msg260956#msg260956 date=1143062766">
Right off the bat, and not as an 'issue to discuss.'
I'd find a way to drop it into the conversation somehow. Like, 'yeah, last week my daughter and I got caught in the rain, and we got soaked, but saw a beautiful rainbow!' or whatever so that it's out there, a part of who you are, no apologies necessary.
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^^^^ I second this great advise.
I am actually wondering how on earth you managed to spend an entire night talking to someone and not mention your daughter once ??? I would have to consciously think about NOT mentioning my kids...it would be a little too close to lying in my books. I would mention it to her...casually....as soon as possible!
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