anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? fndcourage: OMG-to all of you custodial parents out there-do you ever feel like you just don't have time for the freakin nervous breakdown you totally deserve? I have to vent for a minute.
We bust our butt all day, all week at work and come home to a house that has to be cleaned, to dinner that has to be made, to wonderful kids who need to be played with or maybe helped with homework, to give baths, to read books, to put to bed, in order to clean up dinner, do the dishes, try to do laundry, clean toilets and scrub floors, take out hte trash and get clothes and lunches ready for the next day so you can start all over again at the *ss crack of dawn....RRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!
And while you're doing that your piece of sh*t xh calls to tell you, while he is clearly out at a bar (throwing one back no doubt with some buddies) because you can hear the noise in the background, he can't come get his kids for the weekend because "soemthing has come up"!! Are you shitting me??? When was the last time I even had time to pee by myself much less go out and have a drink with friends while you seem to be out doing it everynight while I take care of OUR kids???
I've had these kids for how many weeks straight because "something has come up"! TELL ME SOMEONE RELATES TO THIS BS!!! This is the exact same man who I call to offer his kids to because he can't seem to pick up the phone and tell them goodnight, or stop by and take them to dinner. WHY DO I MAKE THE EFFORT???
Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? treeluva: I feel you. But I actually ended up having the nervous breakdown. It started with plucking out hairs (on my head). I ended up having a small bald spot. Then it went into the clean mood. Everything had to be clean, all the time, because that was something I could "control". I am still seeing a shrink. It got to the point where the kids would say "momma" one too many times in a row, and I would just scream, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I couldnt (and still cant) even take a shower without hearing, "MOMMA!" I still feel very overwhelmed. I was fortunate enough to get a nanny this time last year, which was so helpful and awesome. But then she had to leave, I got a replacement nanny, but she makes my life more stressful than it was before, so I just enrolled the kids back into daycare, so at least, at lunchtime, I can come home and sit in my house without any noise. (The "new" nanny barely cleans a thing, lets the kids color all over the walls, the 4 year old stays in pjs all day, wakes up when she wakes up, the 7 year old goes to school without her hair brushed, etc. I cant do these things, I am in the military, I am not even home by the time the 7 year old has to go to school. Enrolling them back in daycare, which of course means that I have to wake up earlier, but I know that my kids are getting dressed, hairbrushed, and following sometime of routine. Plus, there will be noone in my house all day, eating all the food. I can spend 300 dollars at the grocery store and all the food is gone in 2 days. The nanny feeds everyone in the damn neighborhood. I have told her what I expect, and she hasnt done it. So BAM, bye!)
But, I totally feel you. My exhusband hasnt called the kids in almost 7 months, and they havent seen him in over a year. (I would blame that on being in Germany, but, he didnt see them for two years before the last time he saw them) I told his mother a couple of weeks ago that I sure didnt sign up for this.... single motherhood. ANd that this summer, the grandparents need to take the children for a month or two. I just need a break. I cant do it anymore. Seriously, I was in the Shrinks office just yesterday, telling her that I feel another breakdown coming. One person can only handle so much stress.
Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? down2basics: [quote author=fndcourage link=topic=27025.msg261030#msg261030 date=1143081072"> TELL ME SOMEONE RELATES TO THIS BS!!!
[/quote">
You would honestly be surprised at how many of us actually relate to what you're going through. I do it day in and day out. It's my job. I didn't sign up for it either, but this is what I've got. I left my marriage and my husband because I was already a single mom at that point and it was even more frustrating to have a husband there, but who was totally unavailable.
I feel your pain and your frustration. It's hard, I know - I truly know. What keeps me going though, day after day, are the very source of my stress, my babies. I love them more than life and they are why I get up every day and knowing I've done the best job I can is what helps me to sleep at night.
Hang in there honey! Many of us here at Ojar are going through the exact same thing you are. We do understand!
((((hugs!))))
d2b
Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? fndcourage: Not that I would ever wish this on any of us, but thank God there are people out there who feel this way. Sometimes I feel so GUILTY for feeling like I need to get away from my kids. It's not because I don't love and adore them-I do, we all do. But it just makes me grit my teeth in frustration to think, if he shows up for his whopping 4 days a month, I have to cram in to those 4 days what he gets to do in 26 days! That's a bunch of bs! And if he doesn't show up, there is no calvary coming to help me out. How can any parent go months on end, years on end, without seeing their kids or just picking up the phone to say "Hi buddy-I love you and I miss you. What is going on with you these days?" How f*cking hard is that?
I know it isn't fair to any of us, and nothing is going to change it. But do you know what? I'm so tired of being the "better" person here. I'm so tired of calling him and ASKING him to talk to his son. Hello-you should want ot do that on your own. You shouldn't need me to prompt you-I mean you are 31 years old for goodness sake! Act like it! >:(
Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? down2basics: I understand the resentment you feel as well - Girl do I! I know it upsets you that your xh is absent, but how would you feel if your kids viewed him as Disney Land and you as the warden of the neighborhood prison. It hurts me so much that I pour all my love and devotion into these two wonderful kids only to have them write sonnets about their father at school because of a hot fudge sundae he bought them with money I gave him! That to me is far worse than being given the sole responsibility. Having to share the responsibility and being given credit as the prison warden, that hurts.
(((((hugs))))))
d2b
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