Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? fndcourage: (((((hugs to you d2b)))))
You're right-that is just as bad. Disneyland Dad-good nickname. Let me give you a perspective not from a mother for a minute.
I'm a teacher. I work with ten year olds every day of my life. My children are not that old yet, but becuase of my experience and being the other adult in these kids lives, I can share this with you. I will preface this with the fact taht I am not here to hurt anyone's feelings, just giving you my perspective.
When we do things here at school-writing about their lives, reading and talking about how it relates to them, attempting to make connections between life experience and their own, you'd be amazed at how many of them come from broken homes. Some have parents who have remarried, some have not. I have more kids in this room whose parents aren't married than are. I get to know all of them in a way their parents don't.
When we talk about their life experience, even as young as nine or ten, their family life inevitably comes up. We get into big discussions about what they do with their dad or mom, whomever is not the custodial parent. When you talk about who they like to be with or when they write about superficial things you're absolutely right. THey go to that "disneyland dad or mom" if that is how the other parent is. But when you start talking about who takes care of them when they're sick, or who listens to them about their day at school or who helps them figure out how to get a long with their friend-all the things that shape and form these children-it's YOU. It's not him. They don't see it as superficial or know to use that term at this age, but when it comes down to the consistent love they need, they know who to turn to. You are the parent they tell me about. I am that parent too!
Not to say that noncustodial parents can't play that role because some of them do and those kids are so lucky for it! They still truly have two parents, even if they live in different households. But unfortunately, some of the noncustodial parents are NOT like the people here at OJAR who want to be involved in their children's lives. And speaking as a mom now, I see the importance from a nine year olds perspective, of talking to that other parent and having that parent be there in a true parenting role even if they don't go home to them physically every day. Some of my students talk to the other parent every day and are better for it. They journal about it to me and you can tell how there situation is their sense of "normal" and they really aren't "different" in how they view themselves or their family life because of it.
Some never speak to the other parent and I hate, as a newly divorced mother, to know that my kids will feel like those students do. It's a perspective I never thought I'd have, but it is making me a more compassionate teacher for it. But it is also making me realize, that my kids are missing out now at a very young age, and that it will truly impact them as they grow and shape their sense of self if he doesn't make the choice now to get involved in their lives even though he isn't there. Becuase he can - it does work! He can impact them as much as I do-if he would just step up. :-\
Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? down2basics: FND....
Never in my history of being here on Ojar have I been brought to tears by someone else's post. :'( God Bless you for your heart, your courage, your absolute pearls of wisdom. I came to this thread to help you...but instead...you have helped me.
God Bless you!!
(((((((hugs!)))))))
d2b
Re: anyone else up for a nervous breakdown here? fndcourage: d2b-you have helped me as well! :)
In talking with you, I've reminded myself that all of my guilt for being frustrated, the frustration itself, and the exhaustion will all be worht it. I may not hear it now or in the next few years, but when WE raise children who are not just productive members of society, but are loving, caring, compassionate individuals as adults they will look back. When they do, you and I will be the ones they thank. In the meantime, I have become a better teacher for all of this, and that means to all of you out there, people like us contribute to one another in ways we never even realize.
It's good not to be alone!! :)
