Positive message for anyone thinking of re-conciling hurting: For any of you who have read my posts, you will know I went through hell like most people on here. I haven't posted in a long time, but wanted to share this with you.
My H and I split up a few different times..there was infidelity, lying, boozing (on his part). Jealousy, distrust, low self esteem, control issues (on my part) and all the bad stuff that goes along with all of that.
I won't go into all the sordid details. We got back together once - but it only lasted 3 months until he cheated again. Well then we split for about 10 months. We have been back together now for about 8 months and I have to say that I couldn't be happier.
I have learned a few things:
- You can't change the past
- If you want to go forward towards a true reconciliation you have to forgive..I mean truly forgive. You have to let the anger and rage out..It look me a long time to do that.
- You have to be independent and able to make it yourself if need be
- You have to think before you act
- You have to start trying to trust again. This one is really hard, but it did happen for me over time.
- You have to work on the relationship and the intimacy
- You have to respect and value each other
For those who are thinking about re-conciling - make sure it's the best time and that you both truly want it. If you want to re-concile only to feel safe and that they are yours again...wait - that's what I did the first time and it failed miserably. I didn't care about anything but getting him back. My only goal was to get him to move back - I thought that if he moved back that meant I won...
Not sure if this will help anyone - but I wanted to share this with you all!
Rebecca
xoxo
Re: Positive message for anyone thinking of re-conciling newts: That's fantastic news!! I like the part where you have forgiven him for the past actions of selfishness and I like your way of explaining how to make a reconciliation work. It's so true, 2 people have to want to make it work for it to work and you have both done that, I commend both of you.
