Re: terrified of marriage now sandra43230: I am currently dating a divorcee. He is a great guy. WE have been together for a while now and I don't ever think of leaving him. We compliment each other perfectly. Get along famously. Share common interests. I think that he is in the same position as you are. I think that he is afraid of ever being married again. While I can say that I would never intentionally hurt him that doesn't give you a guarantee. I am willing to give him some time, but only so long. I can't waste my life. I will say, which is completely unlike me, that I am a good person. I do everything that I can to show him how much him and his daugher mean to me. I make sure that he knows everyday that I love him. I make sure that he knows that he is important to me. That's the emotional, the more practical is that I have a good job, a good head on my shoulders, am very responsible and the like. We have a GREAT physical relationship too. I guess what I am trying to say without sounding conceited. Would you like to lose someone like me because you are scared? (Sorry if it sounds arrogant....it isn't meant that way)
Re: terrified of marriage now pluscachange: I've never understood the position of "we love each other, we're perfect for each other, we're both highly commited to each other, if he doesn't marry me I'm outta here!"
Seriously.
This may sound like bitterness, but really it's the product of a lot of contemplation. Why does a woman feel that she needs marriage in order to keep a man in a relationship? Marriage, these days, is nothing more than inviting the State into your personal life in order to essentially evoke a threat of legal action against the other partner if they don't meet up to your standards (whatever those may be) during the course of your relationship with them. One can construct legal arrangements for property, children and inheritance right now, without getting married, so I'm at a loss as to the utility of it outside of being a tool of control and a catalyst for allowing complacency in a relationship.
If we're talking religious marriage, that's another matter, and I certainly see why some would want marriage in order to stay commited to their religion. So go to a Church and ask the priest/pastor/whatever for marriage in God's eyes and be done with it, this is what people did for thousands of years without a problem, and without it may be noted anywhere near the divorce problems modern legalist Western culture now experiences.
If we're talking civil type marriage, then I'm still of the mind to ask "why?" If you love each other and are commited to each other, why the need for a legal contract and implied legal consequences? Isn't love enough? I feel (just my feeling) that modern civil marriages are little more than a sign of insecurity in regards to relationships. My uncle and his SO have been together for 30+ years, no marriage (they're former/still hippies from the early 70's), kids, the whole kaboodle. It is the lack of marriage that has kept both of them active in the relationship to keep the other happy. They both claim (and I'm starting to agree) that marriage allows complacency in a relationship and allows both parties to get lazy relationship wise because there's always that implied legal threat of the other partner losing 1/2 of what they own to keep them around even in horrible times. If a man/woman loves you truly, as in truly, they'll be there in the good times and bad. If they don't, they won't.
Now, I say this as a married (probably not for long) man, but I'll tell you this much, if there is a next time, there won't be a marriage, and I won't hide this from anybody or spring it on them, they'll know up front.
Re: terrified of marriage now Freckles: Marriage is a Good thing. Being Alone is Bad.
Now I am Terrified of my StbxW
Her Drunk Hostile and Holding Foot and a Half Butcher Knife in hand
GRINNING like She just wom the Lottery.
(Police Came)
I will be GLad when I am Married agan
I am thinking in June after Divorce Final.
I have not picked out anyone yet
