Ill ask anyway clare710: Heylo.
Not sure if i should be back here, its been ages but i do know that this site helped me endlessly last summer when my whole world fell apart and i felt like i had nowhere to go!
Anyways...I got back together with the boyfriend who left me, an that was great, it was everything id wanted and prayed for and i thought it was the only thing in the world that could ever make me happy again.
But...now, 6 months on i feel as if i'm pressing self destruct, im constantly jealous and because last time he left me it was completely out of the blue, a complete shock to me, im constantly scared it'll happen again and i dont know if i could go through that twice.
What also doesnt help is that im 6 months pregnant (not planned but we are happy about it now) and this is just making me ten times more insecure and obsessed that he's going me go out and meet someone else.
I know this is a break-up forum so tell me where to go if you want but i just needed to talk to someone about this...
Did the break up do too much damage for me to make it ok again even if i want it to be ok more than anything in the world?
Love Clare x
Re: Ill ask anyway solsken: Sound like classic stuff Clare...... Hurt bad the last time, subconciously convinced it's gonna happen again, so you're forcing things to the edge just to see. Testing him, it (the relationship). It's human nature.
Sit down with him and tell him how you feel. The baby has amplified your worry for sure, that's only natural, this is instinctual stuff.
You need reassurance from him - ask him for it. He can only say what he feels and you can see by his actions if he means it. But you're right not to ignore this - how many men have I heard bailed out cos the 'pressure'.
You don't need to trust him 100% today but you need to keep working toward that goal.
Talk it out and see where you get - make sure it's daytime though and drink and distraction free.
Good Luck
just my tuppence worth as we say here!
Re: Ill ask anyway clare710: Thankyouuu, tuppenceworth very welcome :)
He swears to me he's completely devoted, he'd never hurt me again, he's not going anywhere etc but i just cant seem to be secure and believe him because he said things like that before and i did believe him and ended up totally shattered.
Thankyou for listening
Re: Ill ask anyway newts: Hi Clare,
I can understand your insecurities and I also believe they are heightened at the moment due to your pregnancy - your hormones would probably be all over the place at the moment.
Just remember, he is going to be the father of your child and you are going to be the mother of his child - that is a really special thing.
Hopefully the pregnancy has made him realise he can't just get up and leave like he did before.
When you reconcile with someone who has cheated on you it is very important that you try to bring the trust back, without the trust you have no relationship. I am certainly not saying it's easy to trust again, but the point is you wanted him back so badly, you got him back so youyou really need to just trust him until he does something to warrant you to feel otherwise. I know he left you out of the blue and if you seriously think back to when this happened, there probably were signs, you just chose to ignore. Just keep your eyes and ears open and communicate your feelings and insecuries when they arise in a non confrontational way.
Good luck with your relationship and your pregnancy.
Re: Ill ask anyway clare710: I know its the pregnancy thing making me focus on these things but i think its also making me want to sort them out, they just sometimes dont feel like theyre sortable.
I shouldnt be feeling scared every day that he's going to leave me, and also scared to talk about everything im feeling because i dont want him to feel that everything isnt ok.
I dont know what happened to me, i used to be strong and confident and now im overcome by insecurity.
x
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