Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. GPFault: [quote"> Tell her how it makes you feel. Dont try to find a reason or an excuse for her behaviour.[/quote">
I have told her how I feel, which is why we are where we are.
Not looking for an excuse, just a better understanding for both of us. There shouldn't be anything wrong with that.
It's the intent that matters. And the intent is not to change her, it's not to change me, it's not to make excuses for anyone's behavior. It's just to better understand what's making us all tick to aid future decisions we may make in the future.
And if aiming for a better understanding for understanding's sake is a crime, then I am happy to be guilty. Because it's precisely that better understanding that has helped us work through many rough issues in the past.
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. dgrrl: [quote author=GPFault link=topic=27083.msg263290#msg263290 date=1143583883">
Not looking for an excuse, just a better understanding for both of us. There shouldn't be anything wrong with that.
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What's to understand tho? It's something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And if I was in a relationship with someone, and I truely loved that person, I would try my best to not do things that make the other person uncomfortable. It's not something like taking up piano lessons and you just hate the piano. In that case, then yes, there should probably be a compromise somewhere. But the world is full of different people, so who am I to judge.
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. DarrenB: [quote author=dgrrl link=topic=27083.msg263143#msg263143 date=1143570262">
I think you guys are getting way too analytical. Yes, everyone loves attention from others. And if we're not in a relationship, then no harm done.
However, the simple fact of the matter is, she's putting her need for gratification and not even considering how it makes you feel. It's a sign of immaturity. Tell her how it makes you feel. Dont try to find a reason or an excuse for her behaviour. It's not something you should "analyze". Either she doesnt fully appreciate how it would make you uncomfortable, or she DOES know and doesnt care. If you tell her how it makes you feel, and she keeps doing it, then you know she doesnt care and you cant make her.
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Almost 2 pages into this thread and finally someone cut through it all and bottom-lined it. Nice going dgrrl.
"Needing" attention from other men/women. GPFault: Short version (longer one can be found in another post):
My wife has always enjoyed attention from other men. I've always been concerned about this, and have asked her plenty of times over the 9 years we've been together whether she thought she ever "needed" it.
She has always responded with an answer ranging from "No" to "No, I wouldn't say it's a 'need', but I REALLY like it."
In my case, it's actually gone to the point where not only is it the attention she craves, but she also finds herself craving the ability to explore that attention through flirting and physical interaction (she also says she doesn't feel the need to exclude me from said activities)
It is my opinion that there is some need deep down that is causing her to feel this way, and we're going to counseling to hopefully find out what that is. Maybe it's exactly what she's saying it is, and maybe it's something completely different.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation on either side who maybe help can shed some light? I'd love to hear from someone who actually feels they have this need as well and has explored it deeply.
I understand everyone needs attention, and needing attention alone is usually harmless. But has anyone ever known first hand what causes some people to crave the ability to explore further with other people?
For now, let's ignore the obvious answer of "They're not satisfied with their current partner." That's obviously the case, but I'm talking about the case that someone feels like they need MORE than just one partner. Sexually speaking only.
Thanks.
GPF.
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. ezydriver: Sounds like she has some deep seated insecurity and only the thrill of attention can satisfy it. Its an insecurity issue, would be my guess.
