"Needing" attention from other men/women. GPFault: Short version (longer one can be found in another post):
My wife has always enjoyed attention from other men. I've always been concerned about this, and have asked her plenty of times over the 9 years we've been together whether she thought she ever "needed" it.
She has always responded with an answer ranging from "No" to "No, I wouldn't say it's a 'need', but I REALLY like it."
In my case, it's actually gone to the point where not only is it the attention she craves, but she also finds herself craving the ability to explore that attention through flirting and physical interaction (she also says she doesn't feel the need to exclude me from said activities)
It is my opinion that there is some need deep down that is causing her to feel this way, and we're going to counseling to hopefully find out what that is. Maybe it's exactly what she's saying it is, and maybe it's something completely different.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation on either side who maybe help can shed some light? I'd love to hear from someone who actually feels they have this need as well and has explored it deeply.
I understand everyone needs attention, and needing attention alone is usually harmless. But has anyone ever known first hand what causes some people to crave the ability to explore further with other people?
For now, let's ignore the obvious answer of "They're not satisfied with their current partner." That's obviously the case, but I'm talking about the case that someone feels like they need MORE than just one partner. Sexually speaking only.
Thanks.
GPF.
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. ezydriver: Sounds like she has some deep seated insecurity and only the thrill of attention can satisfy it. Its an insecurity issue, would be my guess.
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. GPFault: I agree.
I actually posed the question straight up to her recently, "So what do you think is causing this need?" and that's what she thought as well. (She said something along the lines of "I dunno, me being self conscious and a little insecure with me in general.")
I then asked her if she felt like that was a good thing (to be insecure), and she said no. So that's a good thing, but while she agrees being insecure is bad, she doesn't agree that having the need for attention from other men is bad. She hasn't reached that level of awareness yet, and who knows if she will. It would be a hell of a mature responsible thing to accept, that's for sure.
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. humblecaterpillar: GP,
Go back to my first post on ojar (click my screen ename and "find all posts" to get there) and you'll find out how bad it can get if you are searching for your own self-worth from the attention and desire of others. For me, this was more than just insecurity, it was seeking from women what only a deep spiritual connection can provide. It was also substituting and acccepting desire for my real need for human intimacy and love.
If your wife had an opposite sex parent who was emotionally unavailable, that can contribute. Of course, there could be many reasons for why your wife is struggling, but she is definitely either running from something or searching for something, and both are huge red flags that problems are around the corner if it's not addressed. I wish you both good luck as you work through this.
Humble Caterpillar
Re: "Needing" attention from other men/women. Lumpy: [quote author=ezydriver link=topic=27083.msg261797#msg261797 date=1143249160">
Sounds like she has some deep seated insecurity and only the thrill of attention can satisfy it. Its an insecurity issue, would be my guess.
[/quote">
That'd be my guess too. The need to be wanted/desired. I guess it's an ego thang..
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