for better or worse.. Irony: [color=navy"> IM from you last night:
[quote"> D_________(10:08:00 PM):...
as far as what makes me happy in life. I do not want to be married. I am happy to have a friendship relationship with you. but not at the expence of you thinking if you do x and i do y...everything will be happily ever after. That will keep both of us stuck and not opening up our lives to other experiences.
[/quote">
[color=navy"> I'm not naive enough anymore to believe that there is such a thing a happily ever after. I've learned that committed relationships take work and don't always go smoothly. I thought that's why we included that 'for better or worse" thingy.
Not sure what you mean about "opening up our lives to other experiences" unless you're talking about dating other people.
I thought we were still married. Is that what you want, to date others?
Is that your only cure for marital problems at this point? If so that's so sad for you.
How is that different from when you cheated on your first husband?
Am I misreading that? Is that what you mean by your statement about "other experiences?" Seems we may have quite different definitions of commitment.[/color">
Re: for better or worse.. sheydp: Hey sweetie... I have to say... I hear your pain all the way from here, and I don't think what I am going to say is going to make it much better.... but it has to be said.
Love... She has told you repeatedly, and again in this IM, that she doesn't want to be married. That she doesn't want to have anything more than friendship... So... why would she NOT date others? She doesn't feel or want the committment to you or your marriage that you do. She doesn't find seeing others against how she SHOULD feel - because she doesn't want a marriage with you. Whether the papers have been signed by a judge or not, she feels not-married. She wants you to be able to recognize that. She wants you to stop hoping that each positive step you two make towards getting along will end in a hapy little marriage. It isn't about a fairy-tale ending... it is about her wanting you to stop believing that steps will lead to a return of committment on her part.
This isn't the first time she has said this, or things so much like it... but you are hurt every time. She is describing EXACTLY what you are doing, honey, and you know it, and it hurts you. You ARE hoping if you do x (improving yourself, becoming for real the man she fell in love with, etc.) and she does y (goes to a counselor, recognizes her own problems, stops pulling the past into the future, etc.) that you two will be happily ever after (married, back in love, working on a future together). And she is telling you it won't happen. She is telling you no matter how much you want the return of your marriage, she is moving on and wants you to, too.
I'm sorry, sweetie... I know you don't like hearing this, and I know you like me less everytime I say it, but you are NOT listening to her, you only hear what you want to hear. When she says it too loud for you to ignore, like last night's IM, you break your heart over it... and get angry... but honey.... LISTEN to her. Even if you hope to change where she is - this IS where she is now. LISTEN to her...
I love you, honey, you know I do. If I could give her to you on a silver platter, if I could do x and y for you - if I could give you happily ever after, I would. I just don't see it happening for her... not right now, probably not ever. I'm so sorry...
Shey
Re: for better or worse.. Goddess: Iron Man-
I cannot say anything more than what Shey said.. she said word for word what Ive thought for a long time..although I wanted things to be different for you.
Read Sheys post over and over...she is very wise and knows you quite well.. we love you iron man..and you deserve so much more than this.
Maybe it is just time to let go..D only gives you scraps..and like a hungry dog you take them and wait for more..and then she leaves you to fend for yourself and you are left starving..but being loyal and faithful..you dont care if she kicks you..or pats you on the head once in awhile..or starves you..or gives you scraps.. you keep hoping she will invite you to sit by the fire with her..and it will all be the way it used to be.
and as much as it hurts me to say this..because you are my friend and I wanted to believe as much as you do that things would change..that I dont think she's ever coming back sweetie..she'll be your friend but nothing more. We cannot go back only forward..You have made the most strides out of almost everyone here that I know.. Please..dont just take scraps anymore.. Live life to the fullest.. let the world be your buffet...experience joy ..and laughter..and love..with yourself..with someone new..whatever..but let go of the ghost of what once was..because until you do..you are not truly living to be the wonderful Iron man we all know you are.
( I sure said alot for saying I wasnt going to say anything didnt I? :P)
ya know I love ya.. and I wish you the best.. I just dont think D is the best thing for you anymore...but..thats just my 3 cents sweetie.
Pisces
