Re: women and "bad boys" Ladies? flyaway: [quote author=Lumpy link=topic=27107.msg262056#msg262056 date=1143331037">
[quote author=flyaway link=topic=27107.msg262055#msg262055 date=1143330754">
Does anyone actually ever go into relatilonships thinking they can change the other person anymore? ??? This is so completely wrong on so many levels.
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I've seen it happen so often and it just boggles my mind. "He/She is really is a good person because of this side of his/her character. That's just the face he/she shows to everyone else." And then you end up consoling that person when he/she screws them over for the umpteenth time.
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EXACTLY!
We need to be interested in a person for who they are....not for who we think they CAN be.....
Because what you see as cute or mysterious or whatever now, will undoubtedly become the undoing of the relationship down the line.
Re: women and "bad boys" Ladies? 2be: [quote author=alonewith2 (SNB) link=topic=27107.msg262049#msg262049 date=1143329175">
1) Mystery - I don't know everything about him within the first few weeks. In fact, I usually don't know much about him at all.
2) Spontaneity - Doing things on a whim...with no reason for it.
3) Excitement - Goes along with #2 and #1.
4) Self Confidence - Self explanatory.
If you can find a Mr. Nice Guy that has all 4 of those qualities, then you've found Mr. Right for most of the female population. The point is we don't want Mr. Bad Guy....but they tend to have most of these qualities that Mr. Nice Guy lacks. Some women tend to put up with the "treating like shit" quality as an unwanted side effect. I, personally, don't put up with that quality too well....but I tend to scare off Mr. Nice Guys so....I'm stuck without anyone. But, yes, my goal is to find that Mr. Nice Guy who also is mysterious, spontaneous, exciting, and exudes self confidence. ;)
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So you're saying that in your experience, most nice guys AREN'T confident or spontaneous? How weird. I think our culture in general still promotes this idea of women being able to 'change' their partner into whatever they want them to be.
Re: women and "bad boys" Ladies? Lumpy: [quote author=2be link=topic=27107.msg262059#msg262059 date=1143333298">
I think our culture in general still promotes this idea of women being able to 'change' their partner into whatever they want them to be.
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I think men are almost as likely to fall into that trap as women.
Re: women and "bad boys" Ladies? alonewith2: [quote author=flyaway link=topic=27107.msg262057#msg262057 date=1143332184">
Because what you see as cute or mysterious or whatever now, will undoubtedly become the undoing of the relationship down the line.
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When I said mysterious, I meant that I didn't want to know every single thing about the guy in the first week. Part of the attraction/fun/experience is getting to know someone. And sorry, but the type of mystery I'm talking about isn't what undoes a relationship. You're referring to the complete dishonesty that goes on when someone purposefully doesn't tell the other what they are doing behind the scenes...
2be stated that his ex said she grew bored with him. I'm just offering a suggestion of why that might be.
[quote author=2be link=topic=27107.msg262059#msg262059 date=1143333298">
So you're saying that in your experience, most nice guys AREN'T confident or spontaneous? How weird. I think our culture in general still promotes this idea of women being able to 'change' their partner into whatever they want them to be.
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That's exactly what I'm saying. All the nice guys I've met totally lack those two qualities. They may have self confidence when it comes to friends or work, but in the dating scene, they totally lack it. Probably because they feel women don't want a nice guy. Who knows, really? As far as the spontaneity, I haven't seen that much from the nice guys I've met either. IMO, that sort of goes along with the self confidence. Maybe they are too scared to show the spontaneity because they feel the woman will not go along with their idea, and then it'll look dumb. Once again, I'm not an expert, just giving accounts of the nice guys I've met.
Re: women and "bad boys" Ladies? nrsgirl: As someone who has dated enough "bad boys" to last a lifetime, I think that eventually some (I stress some) women move from wanting the exciting bad boys to wanting someone good. The problem is culture shock we go into when we do meet someone genuine after spending years with jerks. I push and pull a "friend" ive been on one date with and emailed for a year, simply because every time he does something nice for me I feel like Im going to have a nervous breakdown. I just dont know how to handle a guy being generous, sweet, thoughtful because Ive never had it, so its totally outside my comfort zone. It DOES NOT mean I am not willing to fight my own demons though and try to make a go of it with this one. He is worth it and I would be an idiot to pass him by. My point is I am at that point in my life where I am no longer tolerant of bad boys, but Ive been through that phase. God bless all those out there who are still seeking them, and I know many who are. Good guys are few and far between, but there are women out there who do appreciate them. Kudos to the nice guys and the girls who do appreciate them.
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