Big Deal or Not? camus76: My (ex?) wife and I have been separated for two months now. She moved out for the second time in the last two years a week after out seventh wedding anniversary. We have two children ages 6 and 4. We are alternating weeks with the children. So far the children seem to be dealing with the separation ok, but they are older this time and it is affecting them more.
A week after my wife moved out she went out with a female friend I had never met from out of town. I was at home with the kids when I received a phone call from the same area code as her out of town friend. As soon as I answered the phone the man on the line said he had the wrong number. I normally don’t do this, but I asked who he was looking for and he told me the same name as on the caller ID, so asked him again and he told me my wife. We started talking and he told me he knew my wife from an internet message board and he told me my wife’s username. He also told me my wife was at a meet and greet for the message board members.
When I checked on line I found that my wife had been a member for two years and had posted 6,000 times. Obviously she was also e-mailing members of the website and giving out our home phone number from before she moved out.
I found out today that my wife and a male friend from this message board, who lives in the same town and has been to at least two functions my wife has attended have posted from the same IP address.
My wife and I are now on a break from each other. We are trying to only communicate when absolutely necessary, and only when it involves the children. During this time we are to remain exclusive (not that we are having sex with each other). Each of us is suppose to decide whether we want to get counseling, or go ahead and get divorced.
What I struggle with is not that she posted 6k times, even though some of the post that were still around were flirtatious. What really bothers me is that she hide this from me. I think it will be very hard to trust her again.
Am I blowing this out of proportion?
Re: Big Deal or Not? doseyclwn: Yes.
Trust me, don't snoop. If you find something out, you will wish you hadn't. And the fact is that at this point it doesn't matter. If you're like me, knowing is worse than not knowing. It really is.
Re: Big Deal or Not? newts: Nope not at all.
You do have an agreement and I also think that is tough to have such an agreement and be away from each other.
You need to put a new agreement in place and that is you both have counselling or just end and then you can both see and do whatever you like without deceiption and lies being involved.
Re: Big Deal or Not? camus76: The board she was posting on was the current events section of a sports board for a local college football and basketball team. About half of the threads in the current events section are actually current events; the rest is non-sense type stuff. The board is defiantly male dominated and she made sure "girl" was in her user name. She also had linked to her username a picture of an attractive, but believable girl.
An example of one of her post was in a thread that asked "What is your profession?" her response was that "she owned a website, an online dating type of website, with live girls in front of web cams". I am sure she enjoyed the attention from that.
As far as why she didn't tell me about it, I am not sure. I think part of it was that she knew I visited this website for the sports content and figured if I knew she was posting that I could or would read her post and she couldn't be as flirtatious. Her explanation was that she didn't think it was a big deal at first, but before long she had accumulated a bunch of post and she knew I wouldn't like finding out about it after she had posted so much. I certainly didn’t like her about it from some guy calling looking for her!
She got mad at me right after I found out for going back and reading some of her post. She felt it was an invasion of her privacy. She even went so far as to tell me that she had posted some personal stuff that she didn't want me reading! What does she expect? Who wouldn't be curious given the circumstances? She posted stuff on a message board that is OK for everyone in the world to read but her husband?
Re: Big Deal or Not? ajw: So she's basically told you,stop looking for proof of her cheating,because you'll find it.......wow she's a keeper.
I would have said a seperation should not involve dating other people,if u call her on it though she's more than likely to ask for the divorce
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