need adivce dcjr45: I"ve been divorce for less than a month and we were separated for 7mos. She is the one who left and I've been the one doing the suffering. We have two daughters who we have joint resedential custody of. We seem to have a good relationship and we talk a few times a week if it concerns the kids and we see each other a couple times a week when dropping off the kids. My problem is I can't stand to see her or hear her voice and don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm tired of smiling and laughing like every thing is ok which is the furthest thing from the truth. I just want to scream and yell at her and cry like crazy for leaving me. I"m jealous every time I hear she has talked to some guy even if there just friends. Is it ok to tell her how I really feel? To let her know how I feel about her and our situation. That I don't want to see her of hear from her unless I have to. I just can't keep hiding everything anymore. What do I do??
Re: need adivce Psyner: I'm in the middle of things myself. But my feeling is that Yes its ok to tell her how you feel. Why wouldn't it?
If its hurting you so much, let it out. You're already divorced. Could it make things worse? Do you think it'd make you feel better? Would it solve anything? She left you, I would think she'd expect you to tell her how you feel about that, and understand that you need to get it out.
Again, I'm no expert. I've made countless mistakes. You should probably consider that when you consider my advise.
Re: need adivce Alliance_22: Honestly i dont think you should tell her how you feel. Infact i think you should do the complete opposite, dont treat her as a friend or anyone close... The more you know about her private life, the more hurt you are going to feel... at this situation, stop... and i mean stop thinking about her, and think about yourself, you are hurt, and you need to stop being hurt. If shes going out to see other people, then why cannot you do the same? call up your old mates from work / school, have a chat, dont keep it in... else you'd go crazy... trust me i've been through something similar, and still going through it at the moment. I do not have kids and am not married, but have been with my Girlfriend for over 5 years and during that time, we've seen and shared so much things together, and those memories and hardwork, the fighting and the total acceptance from each other weather its good or bad, we loved each other. And to me, im not going to let it all go.... but the first step to regaining whats lost is to let go... Stand up for yourself and stand up firm.. so if she leans on you, she knows that you aint gonna fall over.
my 2 cents and goodluck
Re: need adivce Alliance_22: they are right, dont be a me and be wussy.... completely neglect her calls, dont even call her. Go regain your life back by doing things that makes others see you as yourself... good start is to work out, do your push ups and have a healthy diet.... at least the next time when she sees you, she'd be "OMG you are sexy" dont ever linger, but never close the door on her should she realize what she have done and regret. but then again its different for each person, cause for me, i think everyone deserves a second chance.
If you wanna get her back, then first step .... LET HER GO.... regain your self identity, self confidience, dont speak or utter your words.... action speaks louder than any words put together. Show her that you can have a great life without her... cause in reality, you CAN.
Just keep telling yourself.... she was never there in the beginning, and i lived my 20 years of life alone anyways... getting to know her and falling in love with her is a priviledge, a gift, a Temporary boost in self confidence. But know that this priviledge, gift and boost in confidence CAN be stripped from you... and it has happened to you... and me.... and to every other person on this forum. Why are we mourning so much? Why are we crying? Crying over someone or something that we never had in the first place?? Dosent make sense.
If you are truely planning on having her back... thats providing you have sat down and thought it through "Can i .. REALLY.. accept what she has done?.... Can i REALLY forgive her?" If you answer yes to both, then your first step is to Let Go. ....
Goodluck bro
Re: need adivce dcjr45: two different opinions. That was nice to read. I"m not sure what to do though.
