Re: HELP!! Any advice what to tell a 2 year old? jillieb44: Sometimes an honest 'I don't know' is all you can do. Empathize, all cry together.
Time heals all.
Jillie
Re: HELP!! Any advice what to tell a 2 year old? TrueBlue: There are some really terrific books available for children that deal with parental seperation and divorce.
The one I have used most is Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurene Krasny Brown. There are also some suggestions at:
http://www.soe.umd.umich.edu/rpkettel/booklists_divorce.html
If your child likes to hear you read, this is a great place to start because it gets the conversation started and the child can really think about it. I also found that it gave me ideas to start conversations so that my child could talk about how he was feeling.
I hope this helps.
Blue
Re: HELP!! Any advice what to tell a 2 year old? overwhelmed: Thanks for all the posts. :) My counselor suggested that book, but to be honest in my turmoil I forgot the name of it. I talked to my stbxh tonite - actually for the first time since he left I screamed >:( and after that all I could do was cry. So Jillie, you're right too...sometimes it is best to all cry together. The kids and I sat on the bathroom floor and cried together. I just feel so sorry for them. (Ok and for me too, but mostly for them).
Re: HELP!! Any advice what to tell a 2 year old? clockwork: overwhelmed
my little boy was two and a half when his dad left and i DO NOT envy you at all. Xh would go for months at a time with no contact. I did the calling thing, I lied and told them i didn't know, etc. Finally, i called our family doctor (basically to get pills to help ME deal with what was going on.) her husband was some sort of counselor or something, ANYWAY--she basically told me that i didn't needed to tell them the truth. THAT JUST ABOUT KILLED ME!!!!!!!!!
My son cried because he wanted to go home AND because he missed daddy. I finally just had to tell him over and over and over, (PISSED ME OFF AND BROKE MY HEART EVERTIME) that we did not live there anymore and that i did not know where daddy was. Daddy didn't live with us anymore, and I was so sorry. ETC, ETC, ETC.
IT ALMOST KILLED ME EVERYTIME I HAD TO DO THIS. I felt so horrible, I just wanted to push it all under the rug and make it go away. Why should I have to "hurt" them anymore.
What i figured out was that IT WORKED. I would sit there and cry right along with them and tell them the honest to God truth------and it worked.
For months, i had covered everything up, and tried to avoid the conversation, and when i finally started telling the truth, IT GOT BETTER!!!
I realize that it is REALLY BAD right now, but it does get better. They start to get used to them not being there all the time, and they stop asking for them so much. It sucks that it has to be this way, but we can't make them better parents. No matter how hard we try.
Keep your chin up--it may not feel like it, BUT YOU ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!!!!
Re: HELP!! Any advice what to tell a 2 year old? overwhelmed: Clockwork...thanks so much for the kind words. They made me weepy, but they are what I needed to hear. I've tried to tell my children the truth...it's so hard to answer questions when you don't know the answers yourself, but we are muddling through.
My 4 year old got mad at her Daddy this morning and started violently throwing his stuff in a box. She said "if Daddy doesn't want to live here anymore, than he shouldn't have his stuff here either!!"
It was very sad, but besides crying, it's the first emotion I've seen from her. I guess the children go through the same emotions we do. I'm kind of relieved that she showed me her anger and we had a little talk about "daddy" and why he left and why it's okay to be angry with him, but I wanted her to know that he still loves her (even though I strongly suspect he doesn't).
Thanks for the help and for letting me vent to y'all! :-[
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