Re:Just bulls***ting myself..... chinup: Hang in there, Lumpy
Glad to hear that you have plans going forward. I know that I'm having a hard time letting go of my stbx. It would be even more difficult if I was still an everyday part of her life.
Just bulls***ting myself..... Lumpy: Well here we go again. Really thought I had a handle on things the last few months. Jumped headfirst into school and now internship, been really reconnecting with my kids, felt things between me and the stbx were improving...Ha-Ha! Jokes on me! I guess no one is better at fooling me than me. Tonight I went to bed to read for a bit. My wife was still on the net talking on her divorce chat line. Talks more to strangers on the computer than she does to me. Yet another sign I choose to downplay or just outright ignore. Anyway I'm having trouble drifting off so I go out to the garage for a quick smoke to find her chatting on her cell to some guy. This is not anything new but for some reason tonight it just got to me.(Keep in mind this is at about one in the morning) Kinda just turned around and walked back in the house. Came back out 15 minutes later and kinda shoot her a look and grabbed my smokes and went for a leisurely stroll around the block. By the time I got back she's in bed writing me a letter. Ask her if we can just talk but she states that she wants to get her thoughts down on paper first. Warning sign number two! Why can't we just communicate like two normal people? You can chat on your cell with some stranger for an hour in the dead of night but you have to compose a letter to the man you've spent the last ten years of your life with, who you've raised two children with? O.K.
Anyway jist of the letter is she's sorry that I'm hurt by her actions etc, etc. She was talking to a guy from the chatline who's going through "an eeriely similar divorce as ours". Sweetheart I'm going through the exact same divorce as you and I can't get five minutes! Long story short(yeah,right) she has come to the conclusion that we need to stop showing each other signs of affection,cuddling.having sex, etc. She feels that It's more than just sex for me, that she's using me, etc, etc. BING BING BING BING BING, right answer sports fans! I've been clinging to false hope throughout this whole process. I'm finding it so hard to let go. How am I ever going to have this stong a connection to another woman? We shared our lives, dreams, two children, etc, etc.
I know she's right I just wish she could have come to this conclusion a little sooner. The best news to come from this is she told me she's off the antidepressants. This bothered me as she basically diagnosed herself and never sought therapy while she was on them. So anyway I feel like I'm back to square one. Go to jail, do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars! Feel like such a hypocrite. Don't know how many times I've responded to other posts with "try not to dwell on it, try to divert yourself from it, concentrate on yourself." Seems kinda hollow right now. Why do I still love someone who obviously no longer cares for me? Hate feeling so weak when I absolutely NEED to be strong. Thanks for listening ya'll. Talk to you soon......
Re:Just bulls***ting myself..... Spectrum: Big HUGS, Lumpy.
I'm sorry that you had to be faced with this. It isn't easy. As hard as it is to really let go, hanging on is much, much worse.
I did the STBX sex thing for a brief bit after I left him, and I even fooled myself into thinking it was a better alternative (than what???). One day I suddenly realized that I was just clinging to what I thought our marriage could have/should have been, and not what it actually was.
It isn't easy to say goodbye to the person who has been your security blanket for so long, but the sooner you do, the better off you'll be.
More hugs,
Spectrum.
Re:Just bulls***ting myself..... Lumpy: Thanks spec, I know you're right on the money. Now I just have to accept it as gospel truth. Easier said than done. Feel like I'm being suffocated by my security blaket.
Re:Just bulls***ting myself..... ChristyM: Geez, after reading your post it could be my s2bx she's been talking to -- wouldn't that just be rich?
It's a very, very tough thing you are going through, but I can promise you one thing: You will feel better once you sever as many of those ties as you can. Being so close only serves to muddy the waters.
While we all have those moments of doubt that we aren't going to find someone that we "meshed" with so well, it does happen. I've had too many people tell me their stories of second marriage happiness to believe otherwise.........
Christy
