HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! clockwork: Some of you may have read my post yesterday about the OW telling my son all sorts of crap. For those who responded---THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE ADVICE.
Well, last night my 4 yr old said to me, "Mommy, why are you not my mommy anymore?"
To make a long story short, he says that that stupid skank told him he could call HER mommy because she couldn't have any kids and he belonged to her and daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STUPID BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway, i call the xh this morning to try and talk to him and he automatically says that she didn't say it and that K is just making it up.
Okay, I get that kids make stuff up and K is no different. The problem is, he is telling me way too many details of this conversation for it to be something that he just pulled out of the air at 4 yrs old. That added to the fact that she is a psycho skank that has done stupid shit from day one proves to me that K is not lying.
Anyway, he automatically starts yelling at me, telling me that no one said it and that since he DIDN'T say it, it's not his problem!!!!!!! Finally after i had had enough, I told him that i was going to get K into a counselor because something was going on and he wasn't helping to remedy the problem. OH, HE LOVED THAT!!!!!!
Then i did what i never thought i would be able to do--what everyone has been telling me to do as far as she was concerned. I told him in no uncertain terms that when she comes with him to get K that he better tell her to keep her sorry ass in the car, and if she EVER got out on my property again, I would file the trespass order against her in a heartbeat. No telling them, warning them, talking to them again---I would call immediately and file the papers.
I am so mad, and i can't stop crying. He is doing exactly what i said he would do-putting her before his own son!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM SO BAD!!!! I have tried so hard to keep the peace and be the better person, but i have had enough. This child needs his dad to be a parent, not just someone who comes and gets him every other weekend, and on Thursday evenings. He has screwed things up so bad that the court won't even let K stay overnight until he finishes this graduated visitation schedule. He MAY get to keep him overnight by August. (I am so thankful that they set it this way though---i can only imagine how much worse it would be if K was with them for more that 6 hours at a time.
So, my question of the day is........Am i doing the right thing as far as putting K in counseling? I feel like if i don't do something to help this baby understand what is going on NOW, then it's only going to get worse.
GUYS-PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! pluscachange: Why a counselor? Won't she understand these things coming from you?
I'm not a fan of the modern day habit of rushing to a counselor, especially in areas where parent child communication could be nutured and prompted to grow, such as in this situation. I'd say, try it on your own. Do some research if you feel uncertain on how to proceed with this kind of conversation, but let you child feel that you are an authority on this so you'll be looked to in the future for guidance. Shipping the child to a counselor is saying that authority is gained outside the home, which is essentially the perception I bet he gets now with the "skank" telling him this that or the other.
Make sense? Just my opinion of course.
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! clockwork: THANKS P-
I DON"T want to send him to a counselor and i have tried to avoid it all through this situation. My problem is that, K doesn't seem to understand when i tell him that she IS NOT his mom, and he doesn't need to call her that. I told him that she was his "friend", and that was fine, but he only has one mommy and one daddy. His response was, "But, mom, she says, she can't have a baby."
I just feel like a am fighting a losing battle--like i am beating my head against a brick wall. I am trying to make life easier for him and his daddy is making it harder!!!
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Topaz: Whatever you decide to do (use a counselor or not), a calm conversation with both your ex and with your child (separately, I would imagine) regarding parental roles and the roles of other adults in the child's life will help.
I didn't see your earlier post, so forgive me if I'm not aware of all the details.
I went through this with my ex, and I know how much confusion this can create. I didn't appreciate that my ex was telling our daughter that his gf was her new mom.
The point that I made with both my ex and my daughter (who's around the same age as your child) is that while people aren't replaceable, we do come into contact with other people who become important to us. I think the message got through to both of them.
It might be easier to discuss the above with your ex in a written format to avoid fireworks.
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! clockwork: I am thinking the letter idea is a good one. I cannot talk to him about anything without him getting pissed off and saying that K is just lying.
I do not have a problem with K caring about her---i teach my kids to respect people, treat people the way that they want to be treated, etc, etc...but i cannot understand why these people want to confuse these children more than they already are. I have always told my K that no matter what-B is his daddy and always will be.
I guess i am just expecting too much from his sorry ass. Does anyone know of any books on this subject?
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