Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Mazzalee: I think I would be contacting the lawyer right now and have all visitation taken away from him for even speaking those things to your child. I went through the same thing and I would call my lawyer and he would type letters to the ex or his lawyer to make him stop and would tell him if he continued, he would only get supervised visitation.
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It hurts so much inside to have your child saying things like that.
- Mazz
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! pluscachange: [quote author=clockwork link=topic=27528.msg267272#msg267272 date=1144419676">
THANKS P-
I DON"T want to send him to a counselor and i have tried to avoid it all through this situation. My problem is that, K doesn't seem to understand when i tell him that she IS NOT his mom, and he doesn't need to call her that. I told him that she was his "friend", and that was fine, but he only has one mommy and one daddy. His response was, "But, mom, she says, she can't have a baby."
I just feel like a am fighting a losing battle--like i am beating my head against a brick wall. I am trying to make life easier for him and his daddy is making it harder!!!
[/quote">
Perhaps asking a counselor how you should address the child and frame it might be a good middle of the road compromise? It's just my own personal thing (maybe a hangup?) but I think once you remove the parent(s) as the source of authority kids kind of lose respect for you (though they may not conceive it this way). It's one thing if there was serious psychosis going on with the child, then yeah what can you do? But this is something that may just require a different mode of communication since he isn't understanding it the way you're framing it now. Shipping him to a counselor will tell him subconsciously that any of life's issues require professional guidance, as opposed to good old fashioned Mom Wisdom. :)
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Topaz: [quote author=pluscachange link=topic=27528.msg267291#msg267291 date=1144420814">
[Shipping him to a counselor will tell him subconsciously that any of life's issues require professional guidance, as opposed to good old fashioned Mom Wisdom. :)
[/quote">
I see your point, but occasionally part of the problem, from the child's perspective, stems from "good old fashioned Mom wisdom", particularly in these incidents that pertain to co-parenting.
My daughter felt like she was getting conflicting points of view/information from me and her dad. It was causing her a world of confusion, and my attempts to help her sort it out were only roiling the waters even further. I asked her if she'd be interested in talking to a counselor, and she was very enthusiastic. She enjoys having a neutral place to talk about things, and she likes her therapist.
The therapist doesn't replace that parental wisdom at all; it only supplements it and supports it, when it functions as it is intended to.
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! pluscachange: [quote author=Topaz link=topic=27528.msg267328#msg267328 date=1144424431">
[quote author=pluscachange link=topic=27528.msg267291#msg267291 date=1144420814">
[Shipping him to a counselor will tell him subconsciously that any of life's issues require professional guidance, as opposed to good old fashioned Mom Wisdom. :)
[/quote">
I see your point, but occasionally part of the problem, from the child's perspective, stems from "good old fashioned Mom wisdom", particularly in these incidents that pertain to co-parenting.
My daughter felt like she was getting conflicting points of view/information from me and her dad. It was causing her a world of confusion, and my attempts to help her sort it out were only roiling the waters even further. I asked her if she'd be interested in talking to a counselor, and she was very enthusiastic. She enjoys having a neutral place to talk about things, and she likes her therapist.
The therapist doesn't replace that parental wisdom at all; it only supplements it and supports it, when it functions as it is intended to.
[/quote">
I disagree, respectfully.
Re: HORRIBLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!! clockwork: Maz-
My lawyer always says the same stupid thing: "There is really nothing that you can do about it, you can't stop him from seeing K unless you can prove he is doing drugs or doing physical harm to him. You need to just send him to the counselor."
She has been trying to get me to do this for about 6 months and I just keep telling her that we don't have a "K problem", we have a "daddy problem. " I have just come to the conclusion that the laws are stupid and lawyer's just don't give a crap!!!
It DOES hurt-SO BAD!!! My biggest fear is losing this baby in some way. These kids are my life and part of me feels like she is taking him the same way she took my husband!!! Sounds stupid i know, but that is why i feel like is happening! :'( :'( :'(
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