ex wants to reconcile? feeling adrift: I just wrote a post the other day about how my ex and I split up back in January. He phoned last night to tell me how at the beginning of the month he moved out of our old apartment because he couldn't afford it to move in with the woman he had an affair with after he left me. He said that it was a huge mistake to move in with her because he moved in for convenience though she wants more from their relationship. They're in separate bedrooms, and he says nothing is happening between them now, and that he is now going to tell her he's moving back out. He also said it was a mistake to leave me and that he is willing to reopen the lines of communication. He said he wanted to come clean about everything as well. I asked him a whole bunch of questions,wondering whether he was doing this out of guilt or loneliness, etc. and then said we should begin as friends first to see whether or not we can fix our communication problems. He also said he wouldn't be seeing anyone else if I decide I'd like to try this out. So, I emailed today to ask again that he make absolutely sure that this is what he wants, and then we will move on from friendship to more if it seems we can work it out. We were not married, but common-law, no kids. I do love him, but am wondering if this can be worked out. I guess we need a lot to rebuild trust and communication. Does anyone have positive stories about reconciliation? Does this sound positive?
Any advice on how to begin moving forward? Both of us are not very good communicators, but I said that if we are both willing to give 100% equally and mutually, that I would like to try. I will wait for his response to my letter to see if he can give me that. If he can, what do we do next?
thank you for your advice!
Re: ex wants to reconcile? ezydriver: Deleted for good reason
Re: ex wants to reconcile? ga_sunshyne: Adrift...I don't mean to rain on your parade....but please do me one favor....look out for YOU first. My XH did the same thing...moved in with the OW...and just as ures stated "for convenience", not sleeping together, blah, blah, blah....all the while telling me that he wanted to reconcile with me. THat he was not committed to her...but that wasn't her thoughts. Any woman, with any sense at all is not gonna move a man and his entire family into HER home without some sort of committment!!! I am sorry but I just can't believe that. This was last August that he moved in with the OW and he still to this day tells me that he still loves me. Takeit he also tells me that he loves her as well, but not like he loves me. THat he never will. And for so long, I hung onto the string of hope that he would make that decision to truley work on us....It never happened. He never could inderstand why....How can I take anything from this man seriously while he is living with another??? In fact the woman he cheated on me with???
Hell would freeze over first. ONe of those having your cake and eating it too scenarios....
just please look out for you first. You deserve better.
Best of luck!!
Sunshyne
Re: ex wants to reconcile? feeling adrift: thanks for the advice from both. Sunshyne, trust me - I will look out for myself. I haven't made any rash decisions yet. X told me last night that he has already told her he doesn't want to be with her, and he told me that he will tell her now that he wants to move out. If he doesn't move out, then I will obviously have a problem with that. If he does move out, I will take it slowly and try to trust him when he said that he will not date anyone if we agree to work on things. I realize I'm vulnerable here. He has said it is completely up to me to decide how and what to do next, and that he is happy to take whatever i am willing to give him at this point. I will wait to hear back from him regarding whether or not he is fully prepared to work on this and commit to it. I'm hoping for the best, but I realize I should not set my expectations too high right now.
Adrift
Re: ex wants to reconcile? feeling adrift: help everyone! i just got an email from him now - i realize he's at work and so he can't respond in length to my letter. he said i shouldn't let the lack of response get to me or think it's negative, and that he was even willing to try to find time to start meeting in person to work on communication, (he's been working overtime lately) but I'm scared. i just need some answer, something. i've been worrying all day that i've misread what was said last night. or what if he said something he didn't mean? I emailed back and basically asked for some sort of short response, or to tell me if there was anything immediately negative that he had in way of a response. i then realized that i'm being pushy, i can't expect him to write long emails while at work, and so i apologized for harping on it. i haven't been able to write all day, and now have to go for a birthday celebration tonight, and all i feel like doing is crying again. and he didn't even say anything negative. i'm just scared that i will be hurt again, and i don't know if this is all worth it. :-[
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