Something for me to think about... Bea: I was chatting with a friend this morning and he said he has the feeling I radiate this halo of hoplessness and that's probably the reason I'm alone. I told him it was just a bunch of crap and that I haven't met anyone who has shown any interest. I haven't had a single date since I moved to this town and even if I have a somewhat active social life, men are certainly not in my menu.
Then I went for groceries earlier today and the guy who gave me a lift asked me why a nice, smart and beautiful woman like me doesn't have a boyfriend. My reply was "Because it hasn't happened". Then he proceeded to tell me I should just stop refusing guys or showing myself as unavailable and difficult. I was like "Quoi???" -- It seems he knows a guy at school who wants to meet me and I'm not "open" enough for him to approach me. He also knows the guy who asked me out back in December and who I basically ignore because I feel bad for not being even a little bit interested. I feel like hiding every time I see him and he just gives me this sick puppy look to make things worse...
Now I'm wondering if my current alone status is all my fault and if I should just change my attitude. I have friends who I love and who I have a lot of fun with, but somehow I just keep myself inside this protective shell thinking that nobody will like me. I'm starting to realize that I proibably am the one jeopardizing my chances to meet someone I can share something good with.
I made the decision to focus on school and not let my heart get in the middle because I know very well how messy my life becomes when something like that happens, but now I just don't know what to do. I keep giving stupid excuses like "I'm not pretty enough, I'm not ready, I'm still grieving" when the truth is that I'm just afraid.
I suppose realizing this is the beginning of an attitude change. Let's see how it turn out. I'm tired of being alone, but I can't expect prince charming to come along if I stay inside my little bubble.
Re: Something for me to think about... jillieb44: I know when I'm out and about I don't project an aura of approachability, mainly because my life is so insane that I'm so focused on what I'm doing and getting out of there, hence the online dating.
Helps to chat a bit online before the date.
Jillie
Re: Something for me to think about... shockedandamazed: Bea - I agree with you - I found when I first went out looking to just meet people, I was more open, more free to be myself - now I have closed up. I am normally an open person, very bubbly, a great conversationalist...but now I am scared I won't ever meet anyone - nobody will ever want me....and why should they? So, now I am very tight lipped. I'll come around again though.
I am seriously on a pity pot right now, but yes, it helps if you look people in the eye and just give them a smile and maybe a hello. That's really all you need to do.
Re: Something for me to think about... flyaway: Bea...I simply see it as needing to change the tape playing inside your head. You are beautiful, you are talented, and OMG! What personality! You crack me up every day! ;D
I think that someone local, who you have a chance to hang out with would be your best bet. I don't think that your heart would get quite as distracted that way. Then again, I could be wrong. ???
One day at a time, girl! And who knows? could be your lucky year! ;)
flyaway
Re: Something for me to think about... dgrrl: Bea, I'm torn. Although flyaway does bring up a good point about changing the tape inside your head, you definitely need to do that if you're thinking you're not pretty enough. I know I had that tape playing in my head for a while, but now i actively stop that thought and replace it with "Damn, I'm hot!" lol :) Yah, i might become a bit concieded, but i deserve to be after all i've been through.
As for not clicking with guys, it's two folds. If you are scared, then you can either work on it, or give yourself a break. Whichever works best for you. Right now, I'm scared. But I've decided i dont want to conquer it. I know for me, it's best to just relax and not to put the pressure of trying to meet someone. Just to enjoy my life the way it is. This doesnt mean I close myself down tho. I do smile at guys on the street. I go online and talk to guys. But I'm not putting the pressure of needing to meet someone. I think when I put a lot of effort trying to make things work, it backfires on me. I probably give out this aura of desperation, so for me, i need to work on just relaxing and letting things go naturally.
If i were you, I wouldnt feel so bad about not clicking with that other guy. You are not obliged to date every single guy who is interested in you. I do believe it takes a lot of people to go through before you find someone who you both click with.
Just pay attention to your stance. Try and observe yourself from a 3rd perspective. It's kinda interesting to pscyhoanalyze yourself. Dont get too carried away tho. But do try to work on eye contact, smiling, conversation, and even your way of standing. Try it on young, old, male, and female.
