when your spouse becomes a stranger.. what to do? any feedback appreciated joe: i never thought it would come to this. what do you do when your wife becomes a stranger? we've been together for 11 yrs, married for 5 of them.
our marriage was ok, until the last year when she started to go to school full time. which is fine, together we would make $100k+/yr. so i thought great, go for it. so financially we're not in distress, to begin with.
she all of a sudden starting hiding her phone. first, i never cared to look at her phone anyways, but i thought it was strange that she started to hide it or leave it in the car. and when it is in the house its always in her pocket.
and its always on silent. it doesn't ring at all, i just notice her looking at it from time to time. then she started studying late, almost everynight. because she goes out late at night i sometimes call to make sure she's ok. but she rarely answers, most of the time she just calls me back.
we had minor arguements every now and then, but nothing major.
It got alot worse when hurricane katrina hit, and her school downtown New Orleans was flooded, and the classes for her program was relocated to Baton Rouge.. now she doesn't live at home anymore. I don't know where she lives, she says its with a couple of girls in a trailer. but she's real vague and secretive about it. she comes home a couple of nights a week to see the little 5 year old girl we have together.
we haven't been intimate in about a year. since she started school.
Asking her simple questions always becomes an arguement. i don't understand it. this is my wife, mother of my child. and i dont even know where she lives most of the time. We don't even talk to each other anymore, unless its something important.
her mom lives with us to help take care of our little girl. And i don't talk to her about it.. cause in her mom's mind, she's just going to school.
i've been contemplating divorce for quiet some time. I could do without the wife, but with my little girl, i don't know how to cope if she's not with me. What if i don't win custody, or divorce gets ugly and i don't get to see her much? I have always provided. we built a new house couple of years ago which now has about 80k in equity. and my job is here.
first and foremost, i believe she's currently unfaithful. and it really bothers me to give her half of the house, stocks, savings, checking, alimony and child support. especially when she never contributed financially.
I feel used, so if i leave she has more money than she ever had and our little girl. And the fact that she's getting all this by cheating on me??
it just not fair!! or do i swallow my pride, write her off mentally, wait for her to graduate and get a job. then she'll be ok, so only pay for child support.
then go live my life again. friends tell me to do it now. i don't know what to do....
but i do know that, i dont want or need my wife anymore. All i think about is my parents, relatives, and my little girl's emotional development if we divorce. and if we do divorce, i'd like to move to the west coast, where i have some relatives and its somewhere i've always wanted to live.
i told myself not to let her bother me.. but it does... wish i could turn off my reaction/emotion for a while... till i figure out what to do.....
thanks for listening... and any feedback in advance.....
Re: when your spouse becomes a stranger.. what to do? any feedback appreciated Shattered: I know it's painful and you worry about your little girl, but it sounds like your wife checked out of the marriage. My experience is when 1 person checks out, there is nothing you can do.
My understanding of divorce proceedings is they also look at how much a person put into the marriage. Meaning, if you worked and she didn't that doesn't necessarily mean she is entitled to half. I would start asking attorneys.
Most of the time our intuition is right. The best thing we can do is give our feelings value. I know it's tempting to wait, but don't make the mistake I did. Listen to your gut. Look out for you. Waiting just prolongs the hurt and the inevitable. You deserve better. Start making it happen for you today.
Re: when your spouse becomes a stranger.. what to do? any feedback appreciated ajw: Do it now,yeah it might cost you a little more,but she's destroying your resolve everyday you let this go on,at least if you do it now you might be able to remain friends after the divorce for the sake of the kid,if you let this fester you will end up hating her and the child will suffer
Re: when your spouse becomes a stranger.. what to do? any feedback appreciated superwife: It is an unbelievable feeling...when your spouse becomes a stranger. I've been there too. And even after a year of being separated, I still can't believe how he could 'turn off' his emotion for me. He probably did a long time ago (just as yours did).
She is likely using school as her excuse, and for the past 7 months the relocatin excuse is what is getting her through this, until she is ready to face you (or she may not ever be able to face you). Don't get me wrong, school is important- I'm still in school, and I'm sure it took a toll on my marriage (I also wrked while I was in school, with a small child). But I lived at home, came home every night, and my ex knew where I was (I sometimes did not know where he was...at work).
You just have to keep telling yourself "this is nt the person I married". That's what I keep telling myself. For whatever reason (that you may never know) she has changed...whether it be her or smeone else (another man), she is not the same person. Believe me, it is very difficult to accept.
