well its finally over Catlady: Hi,
I probably have a pretty extreme story about my ex - i wonder if anyone else has ever been through something like this.
I used this board about 2 years ago when my relationship, the one I have just come out of was very much on the rocks but we made up and it staggered on for another two years without me reading the writing on the wall even though all my friends did.
My partner of 11 years who can now only be described as having some serious mental health issues, wasnt paying the bills, lied about it, got us both thrown out of our house and then said he was too depressed about his life to see me for a while, that was after losing his job too and having an affair whilst i was away studying at the end of last year. He lied all the time to me but I never realised it - for 11 years!!!! How silly does that make me? I feel like such a fool. Thing was when things were ok he was super attentive, very loving, he just kept all this rubbish hidden, the majority of the time he seemed normal and happy until another crisis broke.
We went to different councillors to try and sort his depression problems out and bought loads of books and after he had the affair we talked and talked about how to sort us out and it all came to this - me being evicted, having to find a new home, ask friends and family for help etc. I now have somewhere to live although money it tight and am trying to get on with my career but I am devastated. i saw him the other day, he was so depressed, like a shell of himself but I dont know sometimes whether he does it to get sympathy from me. I told him i need to be away from him so I can sort myself out, he agreed - how generous of him!
Its dreadful when you put so much time and effort into someone and they rip your heart out, obviously the relationship was very unhealthy and bad for me and its good I am out but i still have desperately hurt feelings and am grieving for him, we spent a long time together, were very close in some ways and sometimes things were very good. I wanted to end it all when he cheated on me but stayed. My dad also suffers from depression so being with him was normal for me, i expected all this really, so sad. Must be where it comes from.
I am trying to pick up the pieces, it sounds mad but i miss him, i was totally addicted to him and its like coming off a drug cold turkey and its really hurts physically and mentally. i wonder how other people have coped with those feelings........
Re: well its finally over flyaway: Catwoman, hugs to you. :) If you were here two years ago, I'm sure you remember how supportive this site is....just keep us posted with your thoughts and feelings, and it's gonna be alright.
Never will you see me judge you for any feelings you may have towards this fellow that you've lost.
I think it is wise to keep your distance. Like you said, he's almost like a drug you have to wean yourself off of.
Good luck and take care!
flyaway
Re: well its finally over AfterMath: Hi Catlady,
Yes, flyaway is right: Keep distance if you can. This is, unfortunately, an incredibly painful time for you. Most of us have been through it and can totally sympathize. Please continue to post.
Re: well its finally over broken_saint: Hi Catlady,
i envy people like you. you have to come to grips with something first. you are absolutely amazing and you did all that you can. unfortunately for you, your efforts were neglected and nothing was rewarded. i understand how you feel. i really don't have any advice to offer you. you seem very much in control of helping others before taking care of yourself first. you know what's right, and you know what you have to do when the going gets rough. there really is alot of posts here with people that have the same problems and you'll see yourself in alot of them. read through them, it helps in your process.
hang in there kiddo, you seem like you have a big heart and alot going on at the same time. as for him, he really needs this. it's for the best.
welcome to the board.
Re: well its finally over Catlady: Thanks very much for your support, people are really caring on this site I guess we are all in the same boat or have been there recently. I saw him a few days ago actually to collect the last of my stuff from his mothers house - it took all week to get hold of him to do this including one trip up to his mother's house when he didn't show. Apparently he was too scared to see me as he thought I would say I never wanted to see him again. When we finally did catch up I couldn't be angry, I just felt very sad, got my stuff and and had a chat about how he was behaving - why he was avoiding me etc. As he lies a lot I never know if what he says is true - is he really scared of it being over which it seems to be or is he avoiding me for other reasons. Apparently he had been hiding all week at a friend's house but I have other ideas - he could well be with the person he was unfaithful with. In a way I don't care as she will only get holy hell from being with him as he is so difficult to be with but in another way its like - what happened? i lost my home, my partner and now someone else may have him. I know I am best shot of him but I am so lonely, really not used to doing things alone and I feel devastated, sometimes like I am falling into a hole, its weird, everything around looks normal but inside you have no balance anymore, your life has been turned upside down. It all happened 3 weeks ago. Luckily where I have moved to I have good friends who are close by but people are busy and its never the same as having a partner. Yesterday I had such a bad day - cried at least 4 times and felt terrified at night, I am not sure why. Today though I feel slightly more balanced - guess why? He texted me asking what I was up to. That was after I sent him some stuff on depression as a way to help him from a distance. Its bad how he still affects me.
Its odd, you think you are the only one going through this - it totally isolates you from everyone but when I read these boards I see this is a normal experience, there are lots of us out there, it makes me feel less lonely but sad that others are hurting too - hopefully we can all get over it, resolve what needs to be resolved and move on to better things but certainly when you are in the grip of horrible, lonely, sad, terrified feelings you often dont see a way out.
Thanks again to everyone and best wishes
