Re: new stages/phase broken_saint: the only advice that i can give you is to take your time. be patient with yourself and above all, DO NOT disrespect her in your current stage of the process. yes it sucks, we all hate what is going on but remember you have children that you love and they are watching and they will learn. keep it calm and keep yourself busy, distract yourself from thoughts of her as much as you can buddy. i know it's hard right now and you feel like nothing can stand in between the thoughts of her and your rage for what's happening. you're consumed by finding answers to a mystery that you're starting up in your mind and you're blaming her for what it's making you feel, it's part of the denial and the anger. its ok, but don't let it control you. you want her to know at the very least that you are very stable with yourself and that you love her enough to support whatever decision she's made regardless of how wrong you believe it is. when she talks listen untill she's done. keep your answers short and direct maybe try not to say much. stay to the point. if you feel the anger creeping up behind you, take refuge. slip into the bathroom, wash your face with COLD water and start again.
keep this as a token cause i think i know where your coming from...
do the opposite of what she expects from you as a bad person. be the better person in all situations from here on and you will be rewarded.
welcome to the board. hope that helps.
new stages/phase dcjr45: I seem to be entering a new stage in this divorce recovery of mine and I'm not sure how to handle. I've been through the shock and denial when she first left. I went through depression stage. And man was that was a bad one. I think I'm coming out of that but now I seem to be entering this very angry/jealous stage. This was never a problem before. But now I'm always so angry at her. We have two kids which we have joint residential custody of so I see her alot. I'malways thinking about where she might be, who's she with. She has some new friends now and that gets me sooo mad. Why?? I get so angry knowing that she's out with friends and stuff with my kids and I'm not there. There at b-day parities and I'm not. I just can't get my mind off of what, where, who, she's with. I can feel the rage and jealousy inside and sometimes it wants to take over and then you become that psycho ex. I don't want that nor do I want to have all these different thoughts going through my head. This all started like a week ago for no reason and I can't stop thininking about this shit. Any help??
p.s. We were married for almost 7 yrs. Separated for 7 mos and now divorced for less than a month.
Re: new stages/phase Hopeless: I have been there, hell I am still there. When it is her weekend with the kids she likes to come over to my house to spend the day here. I think its so I can take care of the kids. But when Its my weekend with them, she is no where to be found....where is she? Who is she with? I dont know, but here I am 2 weeks from the divorce being final and I can honestly say I dont care. I dont even know who this woman is.
The woman I married is now dead and buried. Perhaps someday in the future this new woman and I can meet (STBXW) and maybe we will hit it off. But for now, she is nothing to me, just a stranger that I have two kids with. I will never tell her she cannot bring the kids over, because I love to have them here.
Try to be strong, the no contact thing works best. You could try to be a little less accomodating to her. I dont know your situation.
Is she dating someone else? Are you?
Re: new stages/phase Lumpy: [quote author=Hopeless link=topic=27606.msg268063#msg268063 date=1144610012">
I have been there, hell I am still there. When it is her weekend with the kids she likes to come over to my house to spend the day here. I think its so I can take care of the kids. But when Its my weekend with them, she is no where to be found....where is she? Who is she with? I dont know, but here I am 2 weeks from the divorce being final and I can honestly say I dont care. I dont even know who this woman is.
The woman I married is now dead and buried. Perhaps someday in the future this new woman and I can meet (STBXW) and maybe we will hit it off. But for now, she is nothing to me, just a stranger that I have two kids with. I will never tell her she cannot bring the kids over, because I love to have them here.
Try to be strong, the no contact thing works best. You could try to be a little less accomodating to her. I dont know your situation.
Is she dating someone else? Are you?
[/quote">
I'd nip that in the bud. Take the kids if that's what you want but then I'd politely ask her to leave. It's hard to move on when the ex is hanging out with you.
Re: new stages/phase ezydriver: [quote"> now I seem to be entering this very angry/jealous stage.[/quote"> This is a natural phase of grief. You've been through the initial stage of shock and denial. You've been through the next phase of depression (In my opinion the worst of the lot). You've got through these and so you have covered some emotional ground and healed quite a lot. However, you're not healed completely and your mind, emotions and heart deals with one thing at a time. It follows a process. The grief process. Its been shown to you that you can get through the other phases so you'll get through this one too. Your brain has to do all this work for you to be fully over the person who hurt you.
Regards,
Ezydriver.
