new stages/phase dcjr45: I seem to be entering a new stage in this divorce recovery of mine and I'm not sure how to handle. I've been through the shock and denial when she first left. I went through depression stage. And man was that was a bad one. I think I'm coming out of that but now I seem to be entering this very angry/jealous stage. This was never a problem before. But now I'm always so angry at her. We have two kids which we have joint residential custody of so I see her alot. I'malways thinking about where she might be, who's she with. She has some new friends now and that gets me sooo mad. Why?? I get so angry knowing that she's out with friends and stuff with my kids and I'm not there. There at b-day parities and I'm not. I just can't get my mind off of what, where, who, she's with. I can feel the rage and jealousy inside and sometimes it wants to take over and then you become that psycho ex. I don't want that nor do I want to have all these different thoughts going through my head. This all started like a week ago for no reason and I can't stop thininking about this shit. Any help??
p.s. We were married for almost 7 yrs. Separated for 7 mos and now divorced for less than a month.
Re: new stages/phase Hopeless: I have been there, hell I am still there. When it is her weekend with the kids she likes to come over to my house to spend the day here. I think its so I can take care of the kids. But when Its my weekend with them, she is no where to be found....where is she? Who is she with? I dont know, but here I am 2 weeks from the divorce being final and I can honestly say I dont care. I dont even know who this woman is.
The woman I married is now dead and buried. Perhaps someday in the future this new woman and I can meet (STBXW) and maybe we will hit it off. But for now, she is nothing to me, just a stranger that I have two kids with. I will never tell her she cannot bring the kids over, because I love to have them here.
Try to be strong, the no contact thing works best. You could try to be a little less accomodating to her. I dont know your situation.
Is she dating someone else? Are you?
Re: new stages/phase Lumpy: [quote author=Hopeless link=topic=27606.msg268063#msg268063 date=1144610012">
I have been there, hell I am still there. When it is her weekend with the kids she likes to come over to my house to spend the day here. I think its so I can take care of the kids. But when Its my weekend with them, she is no where to be found....where is she? Who is she with? I dont know, but here I am 2 weeks from the divorce being final and I can honestly say I dont care. I dont even know who this woman is.
The woman I married is now dead and buried. Perhaps someday in the future this new woman and I can meet (STBXW) and maybe we will hit it off. But for now, she is nothing to me, just a stranger that I have two kids with. I will never tell her she cannot bring the kids over, because I love to have them here.
Try to be strong, the no contact thing works best. You could try to be a little less accomodating to her. I dont know your situation.
Is she dating someone else? Are you?
[/quote">
I'd nip that in the bud. Take the kids if that's what you want but then I'd politely ask her to leave. It's hard to move on when the ex is hanging out with you.
Re: new stages/phase ezydriver: [quote"> now I seem to be entering this very angry/jealous stage.[/quote"> This is a natural phase of grief. You've been through the initial stage of shock and denial. You've been through the next phase of depression (In my opinion the worst of the lot). You've got through these and so you have covered some emotional ground and healed quite a lot. However, you're not healed completely and your mind, emotions and heart deals with one thing at a time. It follows a process. The grief process. Its been shown to you that you can get through the other phases so you'll get through this one too. Your brain has to do all this work for you to be fully over the person who hurt you.
Regards,
Ezydriver.
Re: new stages/phase dgrrl: Just refrain yourself from acting out during the anger stage. Nothing good can come out of it. I notice my anger trigger is when I'm cleaning. I dont know why, but i get SOOO pissed off when I'm cleaning. Maybe it's the only time I have to think about all the crap I have to do and my ex doesnt take any responsibility for anything. The good thing is, you can SEE yourself being angry. The fact that you can see yourself in this state is good because you can prevent yourself from doing stupid things in the heat of the moment. I made a promise to myself to NEVER do anything in the heat of the moment. I waited until the anger went away, and by that time, I really didnt want to do what i wanted to do.
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