Re: new stages/phase dcjr45: Thaks for the tips. You're right that you don't want to act out on the anger. I've screwed that up a couple of times already when talking to one of my kids on the phone and find out through them that some guy was carrying my youngest daughter while she was sleeping. Of course this "guy" who has two kids himself and she met at a single parent newtwork is just a friend and they hang out cause the kids go to the same daycare class. Yeah right. Well I about lost it on her and she says she understands where I'm coming from but since our kids like to hang out it's just convienent. ::)
I guess I shouldn't let her know that I'm so angry?? I'm not sure. It just drives me crazy that there's this other guy/male figure that's hanging around my daughters alot. Whether he's just a friend or not. I don't like it and ger REALLY PISSED OFF. How should I handle this stuff? Just not show her that I don't agree with it and that it makes me mad??
Re: new stages/phase dcjr45: so it sounds like the best thing to do is to not show her any of those feelings. it's just so hard. any other advice?? I'm looking for all the help I can get.
Re: new stages/phase broken_saint: the only advice that i can give you is to take your time. be patient with yourself and above all, DO NOT disrespect her in your current stage of the process. yes it sucks, we all hate what is going on but remember you have children that you love and they are watching and they will learn. keep it calm and keep yourself busy, distract yourself from thoughts of her as much as you can buddy. i know it's hard right now and you feel like nothing can stand in between the thoughts of her and your rage for what's happening. you're consumed by finding answers to a mystery that you're starting up in your mind and you're blaming her for what it's making you feel, it's part of the denial and the anger. its ok, but don't let it control you. you want her to know at the very least that you are very stable with yourself and that you love her enough to support whatever decision she's made regardless of how wrong you believe it is. when she talks listen untill she's done. keep your answers short and direct maybe try not to say much. stay to the point. if you feel the anger creeping up behind you, take refuge. slip into the bathroom, wash your face with COLD water and start again.
keep this as a token cause i think i know where your coming from...
do the opposite of what she expects from you as a bad person. be the better person in all situations from here on and you will be rewarded.
welcome to the board. hope that helps.
Re: new stages/phase dcjr45: Very well put and will be very well taken. I appreciated everything guys and look foward to staying on this board and receiving and giving advice.
Dennis
[quote author=broken_saint link=topic=27606.msg268445#msg268445 date=1144697464">
the only advice that i can give you is to take your time. be patient with yourself and above all, DO NOT disrespect her in your current stage of the process. yes it sucks, we all hate what is going on but remember you have children that you love and they are watching and they will learn. keep it calm and keep yourself busy, distract yourself from thoughts of her as much as you can buddy. i know it's hard right now and you feel like nothing can stand in between the thoughts of her and your rage for what's happening. you're consumed by finding answers to a mystery that you're starting up in your mind and you're blaming her for what it's making you feel, it's part of the denial and the anger. its ok, but don't let it control you. you want her to know at the very least that you are very stable with yourself and that you love her enough to support whatever decision she's made regardless of how wrong you believe it is. when she talks listen untill she's done. keep your answers short and direct maybe try not to say much. stay to the point. if you feel the anger creeping up behind you, take refuge. slip into the bathroom, wash your face with COLD water and start again.
keep this as a token cause i think i know where your coming from...
do the opposite of what she expects from you as a bad person. be the better person in all situations from here on and you will be rewarded.
welcome to the board. hope that helps
Re: new stages/phase kev: Hi dc.
sorry that you are here...worst place to have to be, but best place to find.
The stages of all of this crap SUCK. you seem to be able to recognize though, what you are feeling, and how it makes you react.
all of it is perfectly understandable too. You are no different than anyone here. shock, grief, anger, rage, maybe a little more grief...will one day lead to indifference. and that is a good thing. Control your emotions right now...they can get the best of you if you let them.
always concentrate on being the better person. Or at least better than what your emotions let you try to be. In the end, you are going to be fine. concentrate on other things...number one, your kids. even though you and your wife didn't work out, you have the blessing of raising kids. they absorb so much, and to see you be a better person through your adversity...well, that will speak volumes someday. believe me. got two that aren't even my own, and they love me like their own dad and in fact still call me dad (never did that when they were growing up.)
dc, you are going to be fine. hang in there. all of this passes.
Kev
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