Weirdest Divorce Ever bdog80: I just turned 26 and my wife of almost 5 years and I have decided to break up.
We aren't sure if it's just "a break" or for real divorce, but it feels for real.
A lot of confusing emotions. I saw this coming from a long way away. We've tried very hard to love each other, but unfortunately had the typical saga of young and poor: never enough, unplanned (but not unloved) kids, and of track career wise.
I told her she needed to become financially independent (me too) before we broke up because i knew financial upset could be a huge thing.
We've talked a lot about the importance of being respectful of each other, and staying in our kids lives.
In other words, we've got all this great, honest chemistry in our relationship- but it hasn't added up to a lifelong marriage.
I know, poor me, I feel like an idiot even asking for support because it's like the easiest break up ever. But I'm really going through these emotions of not wanting to lose her even though I feel like i already have.
A big part of me just wants to "therapize" myself with sex, just get attracted and attract other people. The weird thing is, now that we've agreed to break up, we are having some of the best sex we ever did. The sexual attraction is much worse for me.
At the same time, I've really seen how being with me has held her back, and being with her leaves me feeling inadequate all the time - we don't make much of a "life team." Now that we are separating, we are getting more empowered.
We're trying to map out the practicals of divorce and breaking up, but it seems like such a mine field - and the emotional trauma of it is huge. Wish staying in relationship didn't seem worse.
Re: Weirdest Divorce Ever ctrlaltdelete: Bdog - why give up so soon? Is there any chance you two can try to work on things? Nobody said marriage would be easy. Could this just be a (very) low point and is it possible to pull things out of the garbage, dust it off and move on? I am a big proponent for saving marriages where it's possible. In this case it doesn't sound like all is lost.
Re: Weirdest Divorce Ever 2be: Welcom Bdog...
My divorce was amicable. We wanted to remain friends, and although I am taking a break from her to heal and be myself for a while, I have no doubt that we can remain friends. And this is even after she crushed my heart and cheated on me.
The human heart is incredibly strong and can encompass you two being friends. But there needs to be constant respect and communication. I agree though... have you two tried counceling? It sounds like what caused you two to part was physical things.
Physical things can be changed and improved and worked on together. THat's what marriage is... a partnership. If you two still love each other then try, try, try... especially with kids involved.
As to the sex... that is complicated and I dont know how to address it. I couldn't possibly fathom having sex with my X wife after we decided to D. Heck, we hadn't had sex for 8-10 months BEFORE we decided. In my opinion, you guys are walking on thin ice. If you have enough emotion for each other to still be intimate, then maybe there is enough in you to save.
Divorce sucks. Don't do it unless you know in your heart it is the right thing to do.
Re: Weirdest Divorce Ever twine: i fully agree with 2be if there is still intamcy in the marriage then maybe the marriage isn't as far gone as you think, i don't believe for one second that there can be divorce and sex, will never ever work......and why would you want it to work, divorce is a new beginning don't drag the old stuff into your new life.
Re: Weirdest Divorce Ever considering: I want to second all the previous comments about working on the relationship. My ex and I also got together very young and now -- three years after we separated -- there are many times I regret our divorce. We hit a very low point in our relationship and now I often wonder if we could've worked it out. At times, I didn't want to. At times, he didn't.
But to think of everything we gave up because the road seemed so rocky and rough ahead of us... well, I don't entirely know if we took the right path by taking the easier one.
Unfortunately, it takes two to make a marriage successful. If your wife is unwilling to really work hard to save your relationship (like mine refused to do) then it'll be difficult for you to move forward.
Good luck.
