Re: No marriage before 30! twine: i think my marriage was a waste of time, would count it as a total loss except for the fact that i got two beuatiful kids from it, she can never take that away from me, rest of the good memories are baried under the bad ones though
Re: No marriage before 30! alonewith2: My stbxh is 32 and not any more mature than he was at 25 when I first started dating him...I'm not sure changing the age requirement will help any.
I think the premarriage counseling portion should be more restrictive. There were signs during those sessions that I totally ignored. They were there...but I chose to ignore them. I think a compatibility and maturity test should be given at that time, and the two people have to pass or they aren't allowed to get married.
Re: No marriage before 30! MikeB: You cannot prevent people making mistakes. Life is social, people interact with each other and thus some (okay a lot) of the mistakes people make will end up hurting someone...
For example: Children say mean things to each other, they tease their schoolmates because they are fat, because they have glasses etc, this causes pain, sometimes they even beat each other up... will you keep them in the house and only let them out when they have reached a sufficient level of maturity? 18, 25, 30 years? - Didn't think so.
That's the risk that comes with interacting with others... and people have to make mistakes in order to learn from them.
What parents and society have to do is not set up compatibility and maturity-test that people have to take before they are allowed to marry...
The parents have to bring their children up in a way so they have respect for the feelings of others and are aware of their responsibility towards others... ethics is the key. Parents need to teach their children kindness, respect and empathy.
In addition to that, society has got to change. You cannot expect people to develop these traits in a society where the highest respect and reward goes to people who are tough and mean, who are successful because they stick at nothing, because they exploit others...
With kindness, respect, empathy and a well-developed moral-sense... pepole would think twice, thrice, many times before they enter into a relationship/marriage or break a relationship/marriage up...
Take care...
-Mike
Re: No marriage before 30! sosad05: I completely agree that marriage before 30 is way too young. WhenI told my parents at age 19 I was getting married, now I can understand why they thought it was crazy. Here I sit 10 years later divorced. I dont think you know yourself until you reach your mid 20s.
I missed out on a lot. College dorm life, girls nights out, dating lots of different guys...I was tied down and married by 21.
I wont say it was a waste because I gained the two most beautiful angels in the world. Their precious lives were meant to be. However, I endured a lot of pain and abuse by being with that man for 10 years. Maybe, there was a lesson I was meant to learn though that will make me stronger and better in my next relationship.
Re: No marriage before 30! superwife: [quote author=sosad05 link=topic=28025.msg272886#msg272886 date=1145810919">
I completely agree that marriage before 30 is way too young. WhenI told my parents at age 19 I was getting married, now I can understand why they thought it was crazy. Here I sit 10 years later divorced. I dont think you know yourself until you reach your mid 20s.[/quote">
I agree, in hindsight. But my parents didn't stop me, so I blame them!! I found it weird. My paretns got married at 19 and 20 (shotgun, if you will), and they are together 37 yrs later. I guess they figured this is what you do.
[quote"> I missed out on a lot. College dorm life, girls nights out, dating lots of different guys...I was tied down and married by 21.
[/quote">
I missed it too. Never had that 'me' time, never went on vaations with my friends, hardly dated, etc. I was in such a hurry to grow up...why I don't know.
So now, while everyone is doing the married, house and kids thing...I'm not. I don't know what to do with myself.
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