it really hurts!!!!!!!!!! Catlady: Been involved with a difficult character for a long time - 11 years, when I posted last he had not paid the bills, lost our flat, separated our belongings with no real explanation and left me to go hang really. He had an affair last year when I was away working and I was trying to get over it, we were going to counselling and getting on ok, then he got us evicted lost loads of my belongings. First I thought it was cos he was depressed, had problems coping when I was away etc but it was all a game, he lied to me constantly. i got so caught up in his game. When the flat went I felt sorry for him and not me! cos he talked of how depressed he felt, I fell for it all again, as I did every time. Total manipulation, every time he did something terrible it said it was my fault - I was responsible for the affair, I was responsible for the bloody flat even tho the bills were his responsibility. We stayed in touch for a month after as I had to get my stuff and felt sorry for him and then bang out of the blue he says leave me alone i have found someone else to meet my needs (despite the fact that a few months ago he said after the affair he sat down and realised that I was the only important thing in his life, the meaning of his life). Even when he was depressed and suicidal (apparently) after losing the flat and then his job (all his fault - he didn't pay the bills and perform at work - i read the letter from his work when they gave him the sack) he said the only thing keeping him alive was me. Then all that shit - the crappy email saying to leave him alone etc
It was only 4 days ago, I am in total pain, went out tonight with a friend and all I saw was couples looking in love and happy hands all over each other - and all I could think of was him with her, the new woman, who must be the old woman he had an affair with - total torture!!!! I have been trying to control my thoughts and feel safe in my head as I wont see anyone in reality, dont live near them but the whole thing is alive in my head and its horrible, terrifying and I am in such a panic, everything reminds me of this. I spent 11 years with this person and the way he treated me in the end is unimaginable. I only hope i can learn to cope with this and my mind and feelings, its total torture right now. I need peace
Re: it really hurts!!!!!!!!!! WorldOfHurt: It always hurts when someone you love disregards you and doesn't try to improve your lives together. Sadly I am feeling this right now also (2 weeks now) and the best advice I have received so far is to take care of yourself and it will take time to mend your heart. This site has helped me a lot and I now look at my wife differently. I love her unconditionally and if that means letting her go be happy without me, then that's what I have to do. It's going to hurt inside but I wouldn't tell her that. I was so depressed when my wife left I didn't think I was going to make it. Well before the healing starts you have to get really pissed off. One day sitting on my porch thinking of her I just said F it im going to get really angry and maybe break some things. It made me feel better and it gets easier for me everyday. Take care of yourself and improve your lifestyle first and the rest will fall into place. You are at the hardest point right now and it may not get any easier for awhile.
Good luck and you will feel better one day, I promise.
P.S. You must be a very forgiving and strong woman to put up with all of his antics. I salute you, but I know you will find happiness elsewhere.
